going "home".

oh, this day.

this day was hard for me.

it was wednesday, march 27th, and my doctor and i decided that i would be induced the next morning (thursday!) because she was going to be out of town for a week starting on friday, 

and i really wanted her to deliver me.  

plus, i was already dilated to a 4.  

and plus plus, i needed to just know when this baby was coming at this point.  

the house stuff had me wanting to run to the nearest pool of xanax and do a swan dive right in.

let's start at the beginning.

casey had a meeting at work he had to be at, so my dad and brother went to go pick up the wood floors, or maybe it was the washer and dryer? i don't even remember at this point.  regardless, we were all up and going at the crack of dawn.

my mom, roman and i packed up the room and headed down to load up the cars.

i'm sure anyone who saw us on the elevators that day thought we were cray.

and, well, we were.

matter of fact, we got in the elevator and just stood there for a good couple minutes talking before we even realized no one pushed the button.  

and at that point you just start laughing, because if you don't, you'll cry :)

our first stop was target, because duh, why not.

we needed stuff.  probably cleaning supplies.  again, i can't remember.

but we ended up strolling through the isles and eating pizza.

and then we had to change someone's diaper, so he assumed this position:

for a second (or maybe it was a minute) we thought about just leaving him back there so he could nap.

but then we realized a fender bender could really not be good in this situation.

:)

and then we were off to the house,

i was a bit scared to go in, because i knew it was all tore up...

but romes had no fear.

in fact, he thought he would just jump right in and start vacuuming.

while everyone worked, i began to freak out.

the carpet layers weren't even half done.

we already checked out of the hotel.

where were our beds even at?  the storage unit? i couldn't remember where they were.

i was supposed to go in the next morning bright and early to have the baby, but i wasn't sure how we would even get to tomorrow morning...

so, i did the most logical thing i could think of, i called my friend krista :)

she let us come over and take a nap in her guest room.  that girl knows how to love well, i tell ya!

so we took a ginormous nap. momma, romes, and thumper.

i felt refreshed and ready to head back "home" to see what needed to be done next.  

as if i could really do anything, i was literally waddling like a duck.

when i got home, the carpet layers were arguing with each other in spanish, mom was vacuming and cleaning everything in sight, and i don't even know what mr leif was doing.  something, probably laying the wood floors?  

regardless, i freaked out.

it was getting late, and we still had no beds.  heck, no where to sit.

i sat down on the plywood for a bit, and started to have really strong contractions.

and then i left.

i drove to sonic, balling the whole way there.

i was having contractions regularly and didn't want to be.

i couldn't have the baby.

my mom wouldn't have anything or anywhere to go, and she was supposed to watch roman, and the house wasn't ready, and... and... and...

so, 

i called my sister and told her something, i don't know what, and she said she would fly to KC asap.

and for some reason that made things seem a bit more manageable.  

on the way home i called mr leif and said we needed to focus on tomorrow, and what we needed to do before the morning came...

first up, unload the car with our suitcases. 

so we did that.

and then i told mr leif i needed those mattresses hauled in. we needed beds, and it was already dark out.

check!

so we set up the mattresses in our room and in one other bedroom for gma and roman.

and then we ate sonic.

and i spilled on the brand new carpet.

yay.

and then we filled the tub for our little love, found some bath toys in a box, and threw romes in for a scrub a dub.

and then?????

we relaxed.

and breathed.

and our exhausted bodies all went to sleep, we had a big day ahead of us!

well, i didn't sleep.

but that's ok.  

who sleeps the night before they have a baby anyways?

:)

hotel errrrrbody.

last stop!

embassy suites!

now now now... before you go and think we're all high rollers and all that.... put yourself in my shoes,

39 weeks pregnant.

wild, almost out of control toddler.

lots of bags and toys and stuff.

we needed room to breathe, room to play, room to try and be normal while cooped up in a hotel for 5 nights... and when you go to a regular hotel, you get two beds in one big room.  i think i would have driven myself crazy, my child crazy, my momma crazy, and my husband crazy (when he returned "home" from work)

so, we opted for a place that had a "living quarters" and a bedroom.

and it was magnificent.

[here's gma and romes, running around at the yummy free breakfast, that we pigged out on every morning....yes, omelets and pancakes and oatmeal, oh my!]

and then, we kept thinking we were getting into our house, and then it kept getting pushed back.

gma abbi and uncle cam even came to help paint, thinking we would have the keys...but it was a no go.

so they hung out at the hotel too.

let me tell you..... it was a party.

ha.

[uncle cam helping with bedtime!]

but hey.  they have free happy hour, where most of my group got to partake in a few brewskies each night, while i chugged free fountain dr peppers, and roman ran around like a wild man.

the hotel folks got to know us pretty well.

and yes, i got the looks and the questions of when i was due, and why i was at a hotel.

but those questions don't bother me like they do some preggo girls, i mean, heck....i too would be curious to know why such a waddling preggo woman would be living in a hotel.  do tell! they begged.

i asked the hotel manager if i got some sort of prize (errrr....room discount) if i was to be the first one to bring a newborn home to the hotel.... and he didn't really promise me anything.  dude, did he know how badly i wanted to be promised something! anything! a badge! happy hour all day! a free night stay!  but nope.

[daddy, romes, and momma all shared that king bed for 5 nights, oh, and baby too

.... baby was clearly in that bed too...]

it was still snowing.  even though it was march 20-something....it was blizzard mania.

which was great for romes, gma linda has super powers and halls tubs of snow up to our room so he can drive his trucks in it.  thankgoodness for grandmas.

we could see our room from the breakfast spot.

it was sort of fun to get dressed in the mornings, head out to the elevator and ride down to a hot breakfast.  i think i could be a NYC momma.  just get me a bugaboo and we'd be off on our adventures.  what kid doesn't like starting his day by riding an elevator!?!!

every time we drive by the hotel, roman recognizes it and asks to go there...

he remembers throwing money into the fountain, playing with gma and gpa, and riding the elevator, and watching the snow plows... it's sort of bitter sweet when we drive by, i remember all those things too... and those final days wondering, "am i going to have this baby today?"  or  "am i going to lose my  mind today?" 

:)

occasionally we would leave the hotel, for things like frozen yogurt, but mostly, we hung out there.

it was like a mini vacation.

a great way to end our crazy trek.

i mean, don't ask us what we had to pay to stay there that many nights....

but there comes a time when you just do what you gotta do.

you only live once, and we're pretty glad we lived this one up.

there's our little kitchen back behind mr leif, the foot masseuse. 

we got pretty creative with our meals.

below, i give you:

blueberries, steamed green beans in the hotel microwave, and microwave mac and cheese.

BAM!

a little fresh, and a little processed.

take that!

a mighty fine lunch for little romanator.

and then it happened.

we got THE call.

the one that says, you can have the keys!

so tuesday was spent tearing our carpet (thanks dad and donavan!) and other random demo work...

mr leif rounded up whoever he could get to help that tuesday,

and again, the body of christ is amazing.  

friends came and helped and served and we were so grateful.

. . .

so, it would finally happen, the next day, on wednesday, march 27th, we would move "home".

i think i had 4 mini cups of dr pepper that night at happy hour.

third stop!

don't let this picture fool you:

roman continued to be a rockstar on what was now our 3rd "stop" between moves.

that's just roman in his barney trance. 

[he really loves barney, and riff, and bj, and babybop]

. . . 

our sweet, dear, lovely friends (hi, porters!) went on vacation and let us stay in their home for the week!

normally, being 39 weeks pregnant, not having a home, and living out of suitcases would have made staying in someone else's house a bit cray for me...but amanda is so dear to my heart, and i truly felt at home.

roman got to sleep in his friend's bed, and play with toys that he already has played with multiple times before.  the porters blessed us so much with letting us stay in their home.  and, well, i'm just continually being reminded how the body of Christ comes together to love and support each other when it's needed.  God is so good to us, friends are truly the balm to so many sticky life situations.  we love our friends.

that week at the porters i started having lots of contractions.  

one particular night, i ended up having mr leif call my momma and ask her to come down from nebraska, i was quite positive i would end up havin that baby soon.  so, my mom decided to come the next afternoon.  um.... HOORAY!!!

the relief i felt knowing she would be here to help with roman, especially if i went into labor, was awesome.
you see, my main concern through this whole shebang was roman.
how would he adjust to moving around from place to place?
how would he sleep?
would he just beg to go home?
how would he handle momma going to the hospital?
who was going to watch him when we needed to go have this baby?  

and having my mom here fixed all of those worries, she would help him adjust, be there for him, and spoil him way too much..... and that would be just perfect :)

. . . 

then it hit me.

tomorrow would be my last day with just roman.

me and him, him and me.

yes, i'm going there, sappy mc sapperson.

the end of such a sweet 2.5 years as just the two of us.

i was all emotional (still am! ha!) and thought i needed to make some sweet little memories with my baby.

so we found a random bakery and stuffed our faces with giant cinnamon rolls.

[and then roman pooped in the bakery and stunk it up]

and then we went to trader joes.

and didn't buy anything.

but, boy did he fill that little cart with things we pretended we would buy.

and he bumped into people (on accident!) and into the isles of food,

and i had a big dirty spot right on my chest from dropping the cinnamon roll on myself,

but we had fun.

and i love my little boy.

and then we ended our little jaunt with a target trip.

because, obvi. target is the ultimate mom and kid outing.

(and actually, i went for a bag of easter candy, because i figured at this point, i needed little chocolate eggs to bribe my toddler into compliance... i'm just a really awesome mom sometimes, duh.)

there's always a ton of other moms at target with their screaming kids too, 

so when your kid starts running around through the isles and chucking underwear over the the top of clothes racks, you sort of don't have to feel as bad.  

you kinda get nods of "yep, i've been there" from the other moms.

and when you get the looks of "what the heck are you doing here with your crazy child and a baby that is about to fall out?" you just tell yourself maybe they are having a rough day want to give you nasty looks to make themselves feel better, and you are doing the best you can!!!!!

oh we had a good time that last day.

but boy were we ready for gma linda to come rescue us.  both.

because, next stop?

the FINAL stop?

a hizzy hizzy hotel.

stay tuned for my babycation, right here in KC.....

a 5 night stay at embassy suites.

that one time we were homeless.

alrighty, let's try this again.  regular blogging.

well, truth be told, i can't seem to stay on top of life, so blogging has taken the back burner.

but these last few months need to be remembered.

the chaos, the hard stuff, the good stuff, the new baby stuff....i must write about it!

so, buckle your seatbelts, i just turned on PBS for romes, and archer is milk drunk and passed out on my bed.

it's go time.

so, way back on march 13th we walked out of the green house for the last time.

though, i couldn't really be too emotional...... i was exhausted, trying to pack us up for the next three weeks of limbo, my head was spinning like the roccoplane carnival ride from my hometown's summer festival, and i felt like any crazy stress induced freak out sesh would land me in the hospital with early labor. so, i "kept calm and carried on". and made lists. and more lists.  somewhere in the next three weeks, we would potentially have a new baby born, so that was all sorts of awesome to try and prepare for as well :)

here's our gear for our season living as nomads:

meds had to make the packing list, because romes got a horrific virus and rash days before we moved out.  my sanity continued to be tested. 

{the starbucks was for me}

bags packed, boxes loaded, and on our way.

all along, we have been trying to get into our new house.  

but things can get complicated with real estate these days.

and so, we were on a roller coaster of constant ..... "you can get in on this day!" YAY! 

and then ...... "oh wait, nevermind, we need to process this and that and do this paperwork"

and then "ok! you can get in on this day!" YAY!

and then..... "ooops, we were wrong, still not ready"

again, a super dooooper test of our patients, and truly, remembering how to find perspective amongst chaos.

and the take-all, gratitude.  always searching for gratitude.

. . .

so our first night away, we headed down to the burbs, to a hotel with a pool.

my mother in law came down to help me with roman, as mr leif had to go to work, and hauling bags and tubs out of cars and up into hotel rooms was hard to do when i was about to pop.

also, i have a toddler who runs around like a mad man and i don't always know how to control him.

judge me if you want.

 roman lasted about 10 minutes in the pool and then he asked to go home.

and his demands to go home continued to filter in throughout the night.

mr leif didnt get in to the hotel until about 1am because he was finishing up a few things at the old house.

roman wouldn't fall asleep because he was too big for his pack n play, and he was begging to go home.

so i cried myself to sleep, wondering how i would ever get through these next few weeks.

there was no way, i didn't think it was possible.

i felt defeated.

i knew i needed to be grateful.

we had a hotel to stay in for now, family who loves us, friends offering to help, and a God who's plan would reveal itself regardless of how many dang lists i made....

but still, i couldn't' seem to see how this was all going to work.

obvi, my preggo hormones were raging.

i wanted to just go back to how things were, in our old house.

i wanted to be in my bed, setting up a space for the baby in that house, giving roman his comfort and his routine, i wanted to go back home!  but darn, we just sold it!

to be continued...

[i've secretly always wanted to write that at the bottom of a post]

packin up and heading out.

today, i was browsing on gap maternity's webpage for some comfy pants and/or shirt.  

i thought, "hmmm.  i think i might buy myself a little hospital outfit.  i can't really do any nesting at the moment, and i feel like i need to do/buy/prepare.  so gap, what do you have for me?"

oh this just gets me giggling, my "babymoon" will not look anything like this.

and so, i thought, "well, i think i'll just write instead"

i'll write about our move that's coming up so quickly!

i'll write about my heart in the process.

and even though in this ever-so-pregnant state my thoughts are all over the place, i'll just write, and share, and document this little crazy season.  because it's our life.

and i want to look back next year and say, hey!  remember last february and march!  weren't they FUN!?

ha.

haha.

...

we are moving in less than 2 weeks, i'll be 38 weeks pregnant.

then, for 2 weeks, we will be no-mads, staying at friends' homes and/or hotels until we close on our next house, which happens 2 days before my due date.

the baby may come during that time.  or maybe it won't.

though i'm due 2 days after we close on our new house, we need to have some work done in the home which will take about 2 days.

so, if all the dates work out just on schedule,

we'll be moving into a new house on my due date.

but, God is good.  and really, He has given me this miraculous ability to stay calm and content in these circumstances.  

yes, there have been a couple moments, mostly when i'm alone, that i break down and start crying as i think about this whole situation.....and irrational crazy things fly around my mind .......

 "I JUST WANT TO BRING A BABY HOME TO A NICE COZY PLACE, WHAT IF WE DON't EVEN HAVE A HOUSE?  I CANT BRING A NEW BABY TO A HOTEL???  AND WHAT ABOUT ROMY?  ROMAN IS GOING TO HAVE SO MANY CHANGES!!!  ALL OF HIS THINGS ARE BEING BOXED UP! HE WILL ASK TO GO HOME FOR THE 2 WEEKS WE ARE HOMELESS AND I WONT BE ABLE TO TAKE HIM HOME (he loves being at home) AND THEN WE ARE ADDING A SIBLING, AHH!!!  and oh yeah, I'm REALLY PREGNANT AND THIS IS JUST AWESOME."

but truly, i'm ok.  we're ok.  roman will be ok.

mr leif and i have sat back and just laughed at this situation many times.  we have taken leap of faith after leap of faith just to get our house sold.   and then when we found the home we are buying, that too required more leaps of faith.  we're getting good at trusting.

the beautiful thing about all of this is, what i see as i look back.

i see growth, i see myself being stretched, and i see not my plans NO NOT MY TIMELINE AT ALL!, but the Lord's plans, and they are beautiful.

i've chosen to not write a lot about this house selling/house buying/while preggo process.

it's been really tough on me.  but james 1 has been ringing in my heart anytime i start to think, poor me.

james 1:2-4 "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, you know that the testing of your faiht produces perseverance.  let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

so while my idea of this whole thing would have been to 

a. find out the sex of this baby so i could mentally prepare from the get go

b. sell our house last fall

c. find and close on the next house early this winter

d. have a couple months to get settled and help roman adjust to the new stuff

e. get some baby things washed and ready

and

f. have a nice cute little hospital bag ready 

well, then, wouldn't life had been swell?

however,

none of those things happened when i thought they should have.

not knowing if we are having a boy or a girl has been a gift.  it has allowed me to take a laid back perspective, yet one filled with joyous anticipation!

packing, moving out, floating around, moving in, and having a baby all happening at the same time?

has been so hard on my "i want to control all the things" self.

but it's been so GOOD for my "i want to control all the things" self.

it's forced me to reach outside of ME and lean on the only thing that was solid, ever present, and promising: my Heavenly Father's plan.....and HIS ways are NOT my ways.  but they are good ways.

so, while i've been unusually silent about such a huge part of my life lately, it's been a season of growth for my heart.  and it's been a season of prayer and trust and hope.  

and it's been a season of examining our desires for moving to a different home, how will we use this home to glorify Him? to serve Him? to serve others? to be hospitable? to provide comfort? to provide community?  how can we return the gift of a bigger home to his kingdom purpose?

and so, we pack.

we take breaks.

we pack some more.

and we pray.

we pray for peace, for patience, for comfort in this end stage of pregnancy.

we pray for our parenting with roman as things get cray cray up in here.

and, we pray that our close date on the new house could be moved up, and that our loan would just move through underwriting as fast as it can.  

[a little sneak peek!]

perhaps we wouldn't have to be nomads then?  perhaps we could get the house set up and a little bit in order before bringing a baby home?  ahhhhh, perhaps.

in the meantime though,

we'll keep on keepin on.

one box at a time :)