Friday, April 3, 2015

hello again.

I wanted to write a facebook status about my chats with Roman about heaven.  But then i just kept typing and typing.  So i decided i should probably just blog again.  I miss it like crazy.

. . .

We've entered the Heaven chats over here.  Roman is asking ALL THE THINGS about heaven.   And I've never loved being a momma more.  "Momma?  Will heaven be one giant cloud?"..."Momma? Will I get to play with tractors in heaven?"...  What an amazing God we serve, that in the midst of the mundane, the exhaustion, the frustrations, the tantrums, and the mess, He gives us hope.  And it is my privilege to pass on this HOPE to my babies.

This past year has been brutal on our family.  I cannot imagine experiencing this without the hope of glory, without the assurance of a Savior, without the knowledge of HIS love for us.  People will let us down, but HE remains faithful.  I KNOW that in the broken and the mess, HE is unfolding an even more beautiful story.  He will use our hurt and our pain to grow, to stretch and to mold us to be more like Him and to bless others.  There is purpose in the pain.  And it's beautiful.  I used to think being a Christian meant going to church and learning the catechism (hello, fellow hope reformed church friends! ha!)  and just knowing a whole bunch of doctrine and religion stuff.   I had no clue.

BUT... I understand now it's a relationship with Christ.  And ironically, most of the time you don't really grasp what that means until you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a trial.  It's what makes this verse in James completely make sense, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   Consider trails joy?  YES.  They bring us to our knees, in front of our Heavenly Father, reaching for Him.  and that is the most vulnerable and beautiful place you could be.  It's leaning on Him, when everything else seems to be swirling.  I am thankful for our broken family, as it continues to be a tool in which He draws us near to him.

Friends, in the darkest times, and the loneliest of nights, and even in the purest moments of Joy... what or where or who does your hope come from?

"I have made you, I will carry you, I will sustain you, I will rescue you."  - Isaiah 46:4

I now understand what this song by Hillsong really means.  Total surrender.

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior."

Listen Here!