today, i was browsing on gap maternity's webpage for some comfy pants and/or shirt.
i thought, "hmmm. i think i might buy myself a little hospital outfit. i can't really do any nesting at the moment, and i feel like i need to do/buy/prepare. so gap, what do you have for me?"
oh this just gets me giggling, my "babymoon" will not look anything like this.
and so, i thought, "well, i think i'll just write instead"
i'll write about our move that's coming up so quickly!
i'll write about my heart in the process.
and even though in this ever-so-pregnant state my thoughts are all over the place, i'll just write, and share, and document this little crazy season. because it's our life.
and i want to look back next year and say, hey! remember last february and march! weren't they FUN!?
we are moving in less than 2 weeks, i'll be 38 weeks pregnant.
then, for 2 weeks, we will be no-mads, staying at friends' homes and/or hotels until we close on our next house, which happens 2 days before my due date.
the baby may come during that time. or maybe it won't.
though i'm due 2 days after we close on our new house, we need to have some work done in the home which will take about 2 days.
so, if all the dates work out just on schedule,
we'll be moving into a new house on my due date.
but, God is good. and really, He has given me this miraculous ability to stay calm and content in these circumstances.
yes, there have been a couple moments, mostly when i'm alone, that i break down and start crying as i think about this whole situation.....and irrational crazy things fly around my mind .......
"I JUST WANT TO BRING A BABY HOME TO A NICE COZY PLACE, WHAT IF WE DON't EVEN HAVE A HOUSE? I CANT BRING A NEW BABY TO A HOTEL??? AND WHAT ABOUT ROMY? ROMAN IS GOING TO HAVE SO MANY CHANGES!!! ALL OF HIS THINGS ARE BEING BOXED UP! HE WILL ASK TO GO HOME FOR THE 2 WEEKS WE ARE HOMELESS AND I WONT BE ABLE TO TAKE HIM HOME (he loves being at home) AND THEN WE ARE ADDING A SIBLING, AHH!!! and oh yeah, I'm REALLY PREGNANT AND THIS IS JUST AWESOME."
but truly, i'm ok. we're ok. roman will be ok.
mr leif and i have sat back and just laughed at this situation many times. we have taken leap of faith after leap of faith just to get our house sold. and then when we found the home we are buying, that too required more leaps of faith. we're getting good at trusting.
the beautiful thing about all of this is, what i see as i look back.
i see growth, i see myself being stretched, and i see not my plans NO NOT MY TIMELINE AT ALL!, but the Lord's plans, and they are beautiful.
i've chosen to not write a lot about this house selling/house buying/while preggo process.
it's been really tough on me. but james 1 has been ringing in my heart anytime i start to think, poor me.
james 1:2-4 "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, you know that the testing of your faiht produces perseverance. let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
so while my idea of this whole thing would have been to
a. find out the sex of this baby so i could mentally prepare from the get go
b. sell our house last fall
c. find and close on the next house early this winter
d. have a couple months to get settled and help roman adjust to the new stuff
e. get some baby things washed and ready
f. have a nice cute little hospital bag ready
well, then, wouldn't life had been swell?
none of those things happened when i thought they should have.
not knowing if we are having a boy or a girl has been a gift. it has allowed me to take a laid back perspective, yet one filled with joyous anticipation!
packing, moving out, floating around, moving in, and having a baby all happening at the same time?
has been so hard on my "i want to control all the things" self.
but it's been so GOOD for my "i want to control all the things" self.
it's forced me to reach outside of ME and lean on the only thing that was solid, ever present, and promising: my Heavenly Father's plan.....and HIS ways are NOT my ways. but they are good ways.
so, while i've been unusually silent about such a huge part of my life lately, it's been a season of growth for my heart. and it's been a season of prayer and trust and hope.
and it's been a season of examining our desires for moving to a different home, how will we use this home to glorify Him? to serve Him? to serve others? to be hospitable? to provide comfort? to provide community? how can we return the gift of a bigger home to his kingdom purpose?
and so, we pack.
we take breaks.
we pack some more.
and we pray.
we pray for peace, for patience, for comfort in this end stage of pregnancy.
we pray for our parenting with roman as things get cray cray up in here.
and, we pray that our close date on the new house could be moved up, and that our loan would just move through underwriting as fast as it can.
[a little sneak peek!]
perhaps we wouldn't have to be nomads then? perhaps we could get the house set up and a little bit in order before bringing a baby home? ahhhhh, perhaps.
in the meantime though,
we'll keep on keepin on.
one box at a time :)