what are your weaknesses?

.....that question is one of the dreaded ones that will often pop up in a job interview.
*side note - i am not interviewing for a different job.

i remember panicking as i prepared for my first job interview in college as i tried to figure out what to say to that answer.

i mean, its not like you are going to expose anything that horrible to a possible future boss. are they crazy!?!?!?

but. it must be answered. because DUH, no one is perfect :)

so what do i say? well.......i am actually very honest.
my worst quality is that i am a people pleaser.

like, HARDCORE people pleaser. i can stress myself out to the max trying to please everyone around me. and what is the result? it makes me less of an indivual. less of a unique person. because i am constantly trying to say, do, and act in manners that make people like me. actually i want them to adore me.

and i hate it.

with every job i have had. i practically get sick when i put in my two weeks notice. even those silly college jobs.
with every job i have had..........i try to make everyone smile, actually i like it best when i can make them laugh. and when they aren't smiling, im worried that i need to do something to help them.
when i send emails, they always have smiley faces and exclamations. i want the receivers, here at work, to know that this email was sent with a smile! a caring smile!
i strive to make everyone think i am always at the top of my game. never doing anything less but the best, 100% of the time. (and that is NEVER NEVER NEVER the truth) because i can't. its totally impossible. and wanting them to think that is so foolish and actually its not a very truthful desire. why would i want someone to believe something that isn't true?? shame on me!

so.
with all that said.
all that ugliness.

i had a case of the people pleaser totally take over me these last few weeks.

in the beginning of march, i accepted a summer nanny position. full time. for two kids.
they live on a lake, a golf course community, and the possibility of water and sun and tans and 2 cute kids was tugging on me like crazy. hello AWESOME opportunity here!!! and the pay was fanatastic. extra cash in my pocket for baby stuff? totally, yes.

and then mr. leif started to speak his wisdom into my half shut ears.
"please slow down this summer"
"this is your last summer without any kids until we are like 50"
"why are you going to work full time when you finally have a summer off in your master's program?"
"its not worth the money"
"i think you should consider teacher summer school like you did last year"

so.
those opinions from mr. leif began to resinate in my mind. week after week. and they festered at my conscience. and i began to feel guilty. guilty for the kids i would be watching - i wasn't excited to spend time with them?? i was pepped up for the sun tan and for the money. whoops.
and what the heck?!?! i have a giant list of crafty projects that i want to do this summer??? when will i do them now!?!?!?

but. NOOOOO. i already committed, i can't say NO now???? i can't back out????? they will be crushed. they will be angry. they will be hurt. they will be mad at me. i will have let them down.

who is them and they??? a family that i met once. and i was seriously freaking out for 2 weeks about how i would tell them my summer plans have changed.

so finally. on monday. i did it. i emailed the mom. and boy did i write the longest email ever explaing how sorry i was and how horrible i felt backing out on them.

the mom called almost immediately and i couldn't answer because i was at work.
her voicemail was like a slap in the face.
but a good slap.

she was so sweet. she wished me the best with the baby and whatever is to come.......

seriously people. i worried for a month about this dumb thing.

but, boy does it feel good to have it taken care of.

and now, i'll be teachin' summer school for 5 weeks. just in the mornings.
yay.

mr. leif is happy.
i am happy.
and the family of whom i thought i was ruining their life is also happy. ( i mean they do have 2 more months to find a replacement!!!)

ok.
that's all.
just a little venting about my one of my (many) weaknesses. my people pleasing epidemic.