all figured out?

as with any new job, the first day is an adjustment.

when we got back home from denver, a couple weeks ago, i had my first official day of summer as a "stay at home mom".

all day, all night, all the next day, and the next day and the next day, etc... would be spent with my baby.

feed him, change him, play with him, put him down for a nap, repeat. repeat. repeat.

there would be no break, other then when mr leif came home from work and would play with little romes while i finished dinner.

dinner? say what??!

yes, i began cooking.

and cleaning!

and doing laundry regularly!

i took on the life of a wife and mom to the fullest.

non stop, i charged ahead.

i kept waiting for the moment i would think, "ugh. that work thing wasn't so bad. it gave me a break from the little romester. and time away from the house".....

it never came.

it hasn't come.

i know there will be plenty of days for the next month of my summer break where i will be "done!" and when i will wish i could pass the child off to someone else for just a bit.

but for now?

i'm embracing this life.

but as i mentioned in the beginning, there is adjustment.

just two weeks ago, roman was refusing to eat baby food.

however, i had to keep trying......

so, it was put him in his seat, get out some baby food or mash up my own, roman stares at it, and even smiles, then i try to feed him, and it's immediate press the lips together and arch the back. i tried airplanes.

i tried weird noises.

i tried crazy dance moves.

i tried all three together.

nothin.

what?! oh no!!!?

it hit me very quickly, "I have to do this 3 times a day. every day. forever...??!!!!!!!!"

then next, it was get him out of the seat, wash him up. wash the seat. wash the table. wash the spoon. clean up the food.......just so i can do it again in another couple of hours??? and there was NO achievement. no satisfaction. no, "my baby ate well!" feeling.

all that for defeat and frustration?

why did i say i wanted four kids again?

but the next day came, and then the next day.

and then i began trying this new way of meal time for roman, and i found some success.

ahhhhh......that's better.

i'm getting my groove on with this whole motherhood thing.

last night, when we put roman in his little seat for dinner, mr leif asked what he was going to eat tonight? (our dinner, tilapia, was a seasoned with non-kid friendly ingredients) and....

waaaa-laaaa! guess who pulled out an already prepared meal for roman???

boo-yaaa.

me.

while he took his afternoon nap, i prepared his dinner plate.

convenience.

now, i am not trying to give myself 36 gold stars.

however, i found some success.

success amongst lots of frustration and failure.

i know that this success is just temporary though, as with any "good thing" here on earth.

it lasts for a bit, and then the newness wears off, it begins to wear out, and we no longer revel in what we once thought was so good.

roman is already sick of his toys. each morning we bust out the two tubs of toys and it all goes great. then by lunchtime. he could care less about them.

so we get out the kitchen stuff. those, too, only last for a little while.

so it's off to the park, or the pool, or target, or hobby lobby.

we do what we can.

this morning he threw a fit during breakfast and refused to eat what he had just previously snarfed down the day before.

but i know success will come again.

going through the little trials, helps me. i know there is always light at the end.

when he had a fever, i knew he would eventually recover.

when he refused to eat breakfast, i knew we would try again at lunch.

when he was screaming in his crib, i knew his needs were met (fed, changed, burped) and he would eventually find his sleep.

during the midst of the crazy times, it's hard to think clearly.

what mom can make a calm decision when her children are screaming?!

but it happens.

we follow our instinct and before we know it, they're munching on that banana again.

the one they just threw across the room in a fit of despair.

the lord couldn't use a better tool then motherhood to refine women.

i know i won't have constant success with mothering, if i did, how would i learn?

i know things won't go easy, if they did, how would i rely on Him then?

i know there will be mistakes and failures, if there weren't, how would i reach out in prayer?

earlier, roman fell and bumped his mouth.

maybe he's teething again, but it's been a rough morning, all. morning. long.

i swiped him up, and when he wouldn't cuddle, drink a bottle, or be calmed in any other way,

i stopped. and prayed.

lord, please give me the patience and grace to get through this day. and dear jesus, please give roman some peace.

i am predicting many more prayers, just like that, for the next 25 years....and beyond.

having children throws you at the frontlines of a battlefield.

i suppose i should put my armor on.

but dang.

isn't he cute?

:)

cheers to a better afternoon!

i'm off to go make roman some lunch while he naps!

then it's off to switch the laundry and mop the floor!

quick now! i only have so much time!!!