distractions.

it's always so easy to get distracted.

and for some reason, my prayer life can be the first thing to go.

while i'm keeping up with mothering, the life of a wife, friendships, and hobbies......sometimes days can go by, until i give myself a good readjustment.

and you know? it's quite ironic.

last sunday, our pastor brought up the very convicting point of how us parents desire things in our children, that we ourselves aren't producing.

lately, we've been working on prayer with romes.

the simple things, like.....

trying to get him to fold his hands,

trying to get him to say "Jesus", "thank you", and "amen",

trying to get him to stop laughing while we're praying,

you know....those kinds of things....

and then it hit me right upside the face.

how, is MY prayer life???

well, right now? it's a pile o crap.

i'll admit it, because i tend to be a bit transparent.

and you know what? it happens all the time to me.

i get distracted.

so in effort to get roman to become a prayer warrior,

i too, am working on my prayer life.

something i've found so refreshing, is to pray upon scripture.

it gives me focus, and intention.

and lately, especially with parenting, it seems i have this lingering feeling that i'm falling short. guilt, confusion.

am i doing the right thing? disciplining in the right way? phew, i could go on.

we've entered into true parenting. at sixteen months, buttons are being pushed, and limits are being tested. he's learned the word "no" and how to use it with force. and momma is scared.

i just want to do the right thing.

i want to raise a young man, who walks with the Lord, who is humble, and gentle.

and while i continue to put pressures of extreme measures upon my parenting skills, i'm continually reminded and refreshed by the grace that i'm given.

moment by moment.

perfection is not required, but rather, an acknowledgement of our weakness.

it's ok to fail, to make mistakes.

for if i didn't? there would be no need for Christ.

psalm 139.

it does something to the momma guilt i possess.

it's been the grace i need to release the pressure of perfection. it helps me breathe in confidence, and breathe out patience. i'm not alone. and, if i remember to pause, to be still? He will guide each moment of my day.

parenting is such a ride.

and, i feel like my roller coaster has just eased into the forward motion.

there's no turning back.

all day, the decisions i'm making are molding my child.

and,

just as the psalm says,

"Before a word is on my tongue, you, LORD, know it completely."

and for that, i'm so thankful.

and the pressure is released,

the weight is lifted.

i'm a momma.

and, humbly i mother.

HE knows my words, my actions, my heart.

HE knows my intentions, my passion, my prayer.

pray with me?

don't scroll through real fast,

seriously. read each word.

meditate upon it, i dare you.

Psalm 139

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

amen?

amen.

SO comforting to have a God that knows me THAT well.

wow.