recovery.

what is it with that secret relaxation medication they pump through an iv.

it gets me every time,

spurring me to ask embarrassing questions to the lovely nurses and doctors,

or freeing myself of any limits while rambling on about random personal things.

....

anyways, i'm home, and recovering.

one pain pill at a time {yay!}.

and, one nausea pill at a time. 

my momma and mr leif have been taking wonderful care of me.

for a couple days, i looked pregnant. my tummy is swollen.

i walk around like the hunchback of notredame.

many times i wonder what day it is

my mind draws a blank when i try to recall the activities of the last few days,

it's almost like when you're "put to sleep" for a bit, your whole system is re-set,

all of my custom functions are just now running on auto.

i have custom functions.

i do.

... but anyways. the surgery went well. romes came to see me in the hospital, and it made my stomach do flip flops.

it made me wonder what it would be like, as a mother, to have your children see you so "helpless" and bedridden......so humbling. 

it felt so "out of my element" to have roman next to me, knowing i couldn't care for him.

i physically wasn't able to.

i don't want my children to think of me as invincible, perfect, or powerful.

but instead? humble, gracious, and happy.

my prayer is that they might see me as needing the grace of God just as much as they do.

humbly i accept my brokenness, and joyfully i dance in His grace. that's my motto.