confessions

sometimes we have really awesome moments over here.

...

like that one morning, when romes threw a tantrum 

because i wouldn't let him play with the computer or the ipad.

so, he threw the ipad AT the computer.

and obviously, that went over reeeeeeal well...

{off pops the f and g keys}

 like that one afternoon, when roman so very proudly said "staaaahr" and pointed to my tattoo.

mom of the year i tell ya, we're learning shapes right off of mommy's foot.

it feels great when your child can now locate and lable your tattoo.

i mean, at least he knows what a star is now?

 like that one morning, when went to petsmart and stared at the puppies at doggy daycare.

poor romy.  he wants a puppy more than mommy wants a new pair of toms.

but the best i can offer him, is to go stare at 20 of them in a 12x12 room.

romes kept trying to open up the glass wall with his pudgy little fingers.

{btw, petsmart smells.  actually petsmart stinks.  it's like the pet isle in the grocery store, but times 100}

yeah.....i'm not really a dog person, sorry romes.  this will have to do for now.

 or how about that one night when i couldn't fall sleep, like, at all.

so the next morning came, 

and i tried to sleep on the couch while roman played.

but then i kept getting bothered by trucks driving across my legs, my head, my face.

and books, they were being thrust at me, saying "mommy read"

yeah, probably just need to drink more coffee.

 and what about ALL the days of july, when it was like 104 degrees. 

when roman would beg to go outside,

and i would say, "too hot, yucky"

so he just stood there like a sad little thing, staring out into the great big world,

as mommy trapped him inside.  

oh little dude, when we wake up and it's already 95, we just simply must stay in the AC
boooooorrrring, i know.

 and then there's those days when we stay in our jammies until like 2pm.

sometimes i'm just super lazy and feel like a topnotch mom, i can't seem to get going.
and you can imagine what the house looks like by 5pm
or what kind of beautiful meal i've prepared for dinner....{ha!}

yes.  we're a big ole mess over here lots of times.

but it's ok.  

i'm learning that these days are just part of a bigger picture.

if i had it all together?  if was truly was mom of the year? i wouldn't need my Savior.

we struggle so that we might seek His face.

it's not awesome parenting, perfect children, or an immaculate home that will bless others.

no, rather, it's my closeness to the Father, that enables me to shine, 

it's being refined, stretched, and seeing my own sin that will bless others.

yes, during the moment the ipad flies across the room and smashes the computer, i may not be shining so bright, 

but someday....even during those moments, i hope to stay calm, to breathe, and to shine.

for now?  i'm ok with accepting that it's later on, as i reflect on my sinful parenting ways, that i draw near to Him.