Wednesday, February 19, 2014

my sweet roman.

oh roman, my heart swells with love for you.
i know your strengths, your weaknesses, your loves, your passions, your fears...
i know what makes you laugh, what makes you smile...
and, i know what makes you sad, and scared, anxious and afraid.
i know what sets you off, i'm usually three seconds ahead of you trying to assess the environment to make sure you'll be ok.

it's easy for me to jump ahead to the present.
i want to talk all about where you are as a vibrant 3.5 year old.
but, i don't want to skip the tail end of your 2's. 

your august was delightful.
i found out we got into a great preschool, located in a church.
we got to be outside as much as possible, and you thrive in the fresh air.
your love for "your neighbor grils" only continued to grow as you became more comfortable with them, knowing their names, and which ones lived in which house on our street.

but it wasn't all unicorns and rainbows.
i wasn't very sure how to best parent you.
nothing seemed to be working, and i was certain preschool would be the trick.
you loved being at home.  with me.
you loved that archer could watch you play and he wasn't mobile, so he didn't come into your space! 
it was a win win for you both :)
i continued to try play dates, trips to the library, the park, and other adventures when i mustered up the courage to venture out with you and your brother...
but most of the time your brother would scream in his car seat, which made you scream, which made me want to scream.  and run away.
many times we didn't even make it to our destination.
and one time, we even stopped in a random parking lot so i could cry, and feed the baby, and try to calm you down.

some people might look at this part of our story and wonder, why share such a difficult season?
well, little roman, it's our story.  
and so, we'll share it.
we'll share it in hopes to shed light on the glorious thing that is the Father's love.
a love that is so secure, so precious, that it picks us up in the darkest moments, and propels us forward with grace.

my dear sweet boy, a mother's love knows NO limits.
in the most difficult days, is when i loved you the most.
i was exhausted, and weary.  confused and sad.
my expectations of motherhood were being shattered.

but your eyes still shined.
you still lit up with the most giant smile.
we thrive together.
you love to be near me, and your joy fuels my existence.

roman, we had a lovely august.  
we're a beautiful team.

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