oh sweet archer

oh my dear archer.

not only do i wish i could freeze time, i wish i could rewind.

most of your first year i feel like i've just been trying to survive and get through the day.

i wanted to be more for you.

and then, as quick as i speak so harshly to myself, critiquing myself in the worst way, i'm reminded...

God chose ME to be your momma.

He has orchestrated every tiny detail that has unfolded and still is yet to unfold in our story, a story we share.

and my dear archer, you're a beautiful gift, a ray of sunshine, in my life.

i avoided blogging most of your milestones, because in a way i thought if i didn't blog about them, time would slow down...i always thought i would catch up...and then the next month came.

you're almost 11 months now, but here in these photos, you're a sweet little 5 month old.

you were full of giggles and squeals.  i have some pretty good videos of your laughter.  

and it's the sweetest sound i have ever heard.

you ate around the clock, in fact, you ate more during the night than the day.

that's part of why this year has been so hard.

until you were 10.5 months old, you were still eating at least 3 times a night. 

i felt like most of those months i was walking around in a tired baby haze.

however, i know that God sent your shiny eyes, your big beautiful smile, and your vibrant personality to pick me up and help me to find laughter and joy in a dark season for me.  

you're beautiful, my son.

inside, and out. 

even at 5 months...i am so confident God has began a good work in you, and i'm beyond overwhelmed with excitement to watch, to mold, and to cheer you on as He will be faithful to complete it.

most of your days were spent watching your brother play, you nursed anytime i would let you, and you were attacked by my tickles all day errrrr day, because i couldn't get enough of your laughter.  

it was august when you were 5 months, and we spent most of our days watching your brother bask in the great outdoors.  you love your brother so SO much, and i know a flame was lit inside of you, even as a baby, that drives you to adore him unconditionally.  your connection with him is deeper than words can describe, and i am so grateful to be given the gift of motherhood, so i can watch in awe as your relationship with my sweet roman begins to bloom.

thank you, archer, for your joy.