Monday, June 7, 2010

this week is.....

...full of a big stuff. our last appointment, they found a couple 'spots' on the babe. we'll just call them spots, because the words are too long to type and i don't know how to spell them, nor do i really even know what they mean. in all honesty, i think technology is just a bit too good these days. you see, years ago, they wouldn't find half the stuff they do today, and many times, these 'spots' end up being completely fine. they go away, or they are just minor abnormalities. but. for some reason our doc found two in particular, she didn't like. and so she is sending us to a perinatologist. and on friday. we go. we'll get our high tech ultrasound. i really didn't think this news bothered me much. i had my cry on the way home from the appointment, but then we were off to NE for our reveal party and it was time to think happy thoughts. mr leif is and has been quite confident. but yesterday, for me, it started to bombard my mind. and though i've been trying to suppress it, i'm worried. so friday at 1:00 we'll get to see our babe again. hopefully he'll do some sweet yoga baby poses. flexible, those wee ones are, ya know!?

..........on saturday, mr leif is leaving. for 7 days. its nothin compared to 10 months! but in this weird droopy state i'm in, i've been the biggest wimp about him leaving. i think, what if we get bad news on friday and then i then i am supposed to just drop him off at the airport? and then what? try to make it through the week without him? but goodness. guess what he is doing. he's going on a mission trip. he's going to spread the word of Jesus through helping fix houses and buildings and run a bible school for kids. for a week. he's leaving to go serve. why am i pouting? have i once put myself in the shoes of those he will be serving? have i once put myself in his shoes? nope.

...........after i drop mr. leif off at the airport i buzz over to my testing site. you see, i should have been studying for the past month (and havent been, at all.) on saturday, i have my first round of counseling boards. i am not sure what it is that drove me to completely pretending i don't have to take this whopper of a test. but for some reason, i've completely dismissed it from my consciousness, until yesterday. it hit me. i've barely popped open my study book. i haven't even begun reviewing any of the counseling theories. i guess i will answer from my heart??? pshhhhhhh. so, that's on saturday.

and check out thiw sweet song

push pause on my music player.
then push play on this video below.

but just as mindy has sung over and's all about your heart, so i will work on my heart. and its intentions. and so that they might not be focused on myself. today my scars are selfishness, pouting, dwelling in the negatives........and i know “the God of hope can and will fill me with all joy and peace, as I trust in him, so that I will overflow with hope.” Romans 15:13

cheers to a bumpy ride.

i know Motherhood will be one of the most transforming experiences of my life— an exhausting, exhilarating, extraordinary journey. sometimes it's scary to think im about to enter it. sometimes i wonder if the things that challenge me now are so petty compared to what will come in the next year?

we all have yucky weeks. yucky months. sometimes even yucky years. it's quite nice to know we aren't alone in them. :)
here's to the rest of my week. full of prayers and studying. full of trying to soak up as much mr leif as i can........
.........and to eating vegetables. i need to do better on that too.


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  2. oh, sweet lindsey. God doesn't think what your going through is petty. not one bit. (i know you didn't say that, but still) :) he cares about ALL the small things. it's scary. it is. & the doctor's will tell you things that will scare you to pieces. he did with a&e. but God already KNOWS :) that's the beauty of it. he already knows your sons name :)..& he's knitting him together so beautifully right now. so keep finding your rest in HIM. just like you are. you are such an encouragment to me! i'll be praying. for that sweet boy. for fear of the unknown. for peace of mind no matter what. love you friend!

  3. You are an amazing, strong woman and you know God won't give you anything you can't handle. You and Casey have been through a lot together these last few months and this next week is just another bump along the journey. Hang in there and know I will be praying for all 3 of you.

    Love you!

  4. I'm SO behing in commenting it's not even funny, but I've been reading each post of yours and just loving you more and more as I see your sweet spirit.

    It's ok to feel like this week is hard for you. That's a lot all happening at the same time. I'm sorry it's been rough! But I LOVE what Molly said in her comment and pretty much echo it word for word. :) You'll get through it, no matter what, and the fact that you are trusting God and trying to keep a good attitude will make it so much better. please let us know as soon as you know anything about Baby Leif! You know I'm praying for you. And your sweet boys, too.
    Love love love to you... wish I could give you a big hug!

  5. Sweet girl, I will be thinking of you. Thanks for your sweet, sincere give all of your readers a gift by sharing your heart.