Tuesday, April 12, 2011

on my current season of life.

is anybody out there???
is anyone reading this???
did you all run away and flag this blog as "boring blog"???
it's ok if you did!!! i've been a bit boring lately, i know :)

well. i'm here. i'm still here. and, i'd like to warn you: this post is long. (and it's sort of all over the place......)

let's see. where shall i begin?
ok, let's back up to my spring break, in the middle of march.

have you ever driven a 4 hour trip with a baby? by yourself?
well, it's actually about 5.5 hours. because you have to stop for him to eat. and poop. and play.

but don't worry. the drive time you waste while stopping is clearly made up for when you realize your foot is pushed, pedal to the medal, because of the intense cry coming from the backseat. yes, i used to 'drive fast' because i was listening to some fly beats. now? its when roman is using his 'baby talk' to tell me he is DONE being in his carseat, aka: screaming.

roman isn't typically a screamer, he's a rather happy baby. but no one likes to be in a carseat after 4 hours. so, 5.5 is pushin' it.
needless to say, we were greeted with a very excited grammy. and a new pair of shades.
romes, you're cool. so very cool.

roman got some great giggles in.
anytime you start nibbling on him......whether it's his belly, his ears, his neck, his toes? yep. he's a giggle monster.

and when he wasn't giggling with grams? he was chillin with gramps.
just catchin a little fox news. nbd. (nbd? oh, that's short for no big deal, k dad? hehehehe)

roman decided that he is, in fact, infatuated with the bath tub.
especially the one at grammy's house.

and what the heck, he now has two new bff's
blog friends: meet rubber ducky, and octopus.

we even had a fun visit from roman's other grammy, and his uncle cameron!
boy, that cam, he's sure entertaining, huh romes?!!
you could play with him for hours :)

one morning, we went into town. let me explain......my parents live in the country. and our town (of 1300 people) is about 5 miles away. so for 'civilization', aka bakery/grocerystore/gas/subway, we 'go into town'.
we met my cousin kate, and her little hudson (on the right) and our friend whitney, and her little brexton (on the left) at the bakery!!!

and the other guest?
the guest of honor?
great grammy rath.
the bakery is totally her hangout. so we got to spend a sweet little morning there with her!

then, on thursday?
dun..... dun...... dun.......
cute, loveable, happy, goofy, giggly baby?

romes got sick.
like, i won't sleep - sick.
like, i wanna scream - sick.
like, i will drool everywhere and slam things into my mouth it hurts so bad - sick.
like, now i have a rash on my face - sick.
like, i won't nurse - and mom couldn't pump enough - so must run into town and get some formula - sick.
like, i won't do anything but be pushed around in this stroller - sick.

yeah, so what's harder than trying to make a sick baby feel better at home?
trying to make a sick baby feel better when you are NOT home.
and you don't have your husband.
and you don't have any teething medicine.
and you only have a little tylenol. and you don't get sleep......... whoofta.

but as i look back, i realize, it wasn't just the 'roman is being really difficult right now'............
no, it was that he was fussy all day on thursday. and thursday night, all night. and then all day on friday.........and on friday night. AND i was supposed to be in lincoln on friday night.
i was supposed to be helping prepare for carrie's shower.
i was supposed to be making food
i was supposed to be hanging out with the girls.
it was friday night - i hadn't planned to be at my parents house, having not showered for 2 days, trying to maintain sanity with a sick baby. but i was.
and that's where i was supposed to be.

that's my season of life right now.

it's hard for me to hear about my friends, doing things that i can't do, because i'm a mom now.
i have a priority..... another life to take care of.
in the past, i was the social queen. there wasn't an event i would miss.
it's hard now. i've put events on my calendar, only to watch them drift by, unattended.

well............. saturday morning rolls around. and thank goodness God gave me a bit of grace - roman seemed to be feeling a bit better. even though we were up all night......we were off, on our way to lincoln, by mid-morning.

we met at the shower venue. i was so excited to hang up the bunting roman's babysitter and i made :)

and lay out the poms, and the extra fabric for our center pieces :)

finally, the room was ready to go. it looked great.
AND........we had about 3 hours until we needed to back in time for the shower.

all the other girls went home. to shower. to freshen up. to WASH THEIR HAIR.....
what should i do. what should i do. that phrase rang through my mind........ i don't know, i don't know!!!.......i forgot shoes to wear with my dress - so i needed to go get some. my toenails hadn't been painted in who knows how long......my HAIR!?? i hadn't showered in now 3 days...... and YUCK i'm so white. i don't wanna wear a dress with this pasty skin!???.........oh WAHHHhh but i have ROMAN! he needs to take a nap, and YIKES! i need to pump so that he will have a bottle while i'm at the shower........and my HAIR!?!??! and breathe. breathe. breathe.........
one. thing. at. a. time.

so i went to have some lunch with sam.
and what'do'ya'know, God gave me a little more grace - roman fell asleep on the way.
next, it was off to von maur. get me some feet candy.
sam was going to bring me some polish.
mom and dad were on their way, and would meet me at von maur.
dad watched romes while mom helped me pick out some shoes.
then it was off to the hotel room. mom and dad were going to watch little romes, while i was at the shower.......so i QUICKly through on my dress.
touched up my makeup.
and still didn't shower........shhhhhh...........
let's not discuss my hair.

arriving at a wedding shower with 3 day old hair. that wasn't fixed. and white pasty skin. and feeling fat? (just added the last one for kicks) well, that's just my season of life right now.

and, even though i felt SO self-conscious the whole evening.....
and, even though i despised my peek into the bathroom mirror, because i felt yucky about what i saw......
and, even though i felt surrounded by bronze beautiful, young, vibrant women who weren't wearing nursing bras, who had fresh bouncy hair, and who weren't secretly fretting about how their sick little baby was doing back at the hotel..............

even though i was feeling all of those awful things,
i had a blast.
it took a bit (yes ashley, i WAS a bit out of it for a while....) but i snapped out of my pitty party.
i had a blast.
i snuck away to the hotel for a bit to pump a bottle for romes.
and then i went back out with the girls.
i had a blast.
we stayed out til 1am....... 1 AM!!!!!
i had a blast.

needless to say, my 1:30am bedtime was greeted with a 5:00 am wake time by little rome.
yep, we were up and att'em. WAY.too.early.
we had some breakfast with my parents, and then we hit the road.
longest.drive.home. EVER.
mr. leif welcomed us home, with open arms.

moving on...........
why else haven't i been blogging very often??
well, i've been quite preoccupied.
with this little boobiebutt (i know, weird name, but it just rolls off my tongue)
we're raising a lil' hawk fan. rock chalk, jayhawk, go KU!!!
(mr. leif would say he's total husker. but i'm not opposed to ku)

and guess what else is cool?
this blanket.
she made it.
she sent it to romes.
she made my heart happy.

romedizzle is quite fond of it too.
look at the little 'R' on the tree :)
and it says 'little leif'

......for the past month, i've been in hiding.
i've lost touch with friends.
i've been rude to mr leif.
i've been stressed out to the max at work.
i've been overwhelmed with all of my final assignments before my may graduation.
i've been on overload trying to prepare for my comprehensive exams.
i've been a bad friend (did i say that one yet?)
i've felt guilty about the pathetic job i'm doing at work.
i've been missing roman each day i'm not home.
i've been slowly losing my milk supply, due to not having enough time to pump at work.
i've had mastitis (WORSE.PAIN.EVER).
i've had strep throat.

and that is all just a part of the season of life i am in right now.

i don't like the person i am right now.
but i know i will improve.

he makes me happy.

his sweaty, bead-head, nappy-hair-after-naptime makes me happy.

a visit from grammy abbi makes me happy.

an insta-smile baby makes me happy.

a little cheesehead makes me happy.

skyping with my sissy and niecey charlotte makes me happy.

a chill little dude, hangin on my couch makes me happy.

and a husband..........
who loves me,
who takes care of me,
who is proud of me,
who loves his baby,
who loves his babymomma,
makes me happy.

i've been absent from this blog and i apologize. it's just a busy season of life for me.

i feel the weight lifting though. i do i do.
the first weekend in may i GRADUATE!
the last week of may our elementary school lets out for SUMMER!

i've recently added a goal, to my 'lifegoals' list:
that would be to simplify my life.
what better time to set this goal, then when it's at it's busiest.

i'm really looking forward to the weekend.
we're off to omaha for a wedding.
a wedding that my WHOLE family (on my mom's side) will be at.
a wedding that will have us ALL staying in the same hotel at the same time.
a wedding that will allow romes to experience his first big swimming pool experience.
a wedding that will promote dancing. and laughter. and fancy dresses and high heels.
a wedding that i will wear red lipstick too. or maybe pink?
a wedding that will bring a smile to my face.

i'm in love with this season of life.
it's where God has me right now.
i'll live it to the fullest.


  1. Linds we've missed you and your awesomeness, but totally understand that 'lil Romes (and not this blog) is your priority. You are doing great!

    Oh and BTW...your hair looks fab on day 3...this greaseball over here def. can NOT pull that off.

  2. awww, Lindsey, I love this post!! I think every mom out there can relate to what you wrote. And I think we all struggle with just accepting where God has us at the moment, with simply embracing our season of life. But. I think you are doing the very best job you can do. And I think you're amazing. I can see how God is giving you grace each day and providing you with whatever you may need for every new hurdle. He is so so good, isn't he?? Keep on keepin' on, sweetheart, your reward will come. :)
    by the way, I'm a HORRIBLE blog commenter these days, on everyone's blogs, but I still read each and every post, and I love them all. I know how hard it is to find time to blog, but when you do, I'll be right here, readin and smilin!!!

    you are SO sweet to mention the little blankie I made. It just makes me so happy to know you love it and that he does too. <3

    Love love you friend! xo!

  3. oh! ps!! are you kidding me?? you looked GORGEOUS at that shower. You're so pretty, Lindsey. Always. ALWAYS. :)

  4. i know you aren't diggin for compliments, but you are one of those girls who always looks fantastic/glowing. i hate feeling that way though, so i'm sorry...and THE END IS IN SIGHT!!!! can't wait for life to calm down for you. anxiety leads terrible things in my life (like, i'm not a good person when i'm anxious) and i totally relate to feeling like everything's falling apart when i'm stretched too thin. obviously your body is telling you that you're overmaxed and overtired...try to take care of yourself ok?? eat well and try to snag time for a little walk; that's helped me! (probably a good thing we postponed the party, huh? this summer baby!!) xoxoxo

  5. seriously? you didn't wash your hair for three days?! i don't believe you. in all honesty, i think you look prettier than ever! EVER! your smile is contagious. your 3 day hair is GORGEOUS. and your lil' babe's smile tells me you're doin' a dang good job at this mommy gig. chin up friend. chin up! summer is COMING!!! relief is coming sooooooon :) and you'll deserve all the pool time you can get :) love you, love you, love youuuuuuuu.

  6. what a great post LInds!! I admire your honesty & openess about life as a mother, wife, friend, daughter and how hard it is to maintain all the roles you held before. You are amazing. Simplify your life & make that your top priority. It will make you feel more organized, less cluttered & like you can conquer the world!! Look at how much you have accomplished over the past couple of years! You are going to graduate & have the entire summer to lay by the pool with your little monkey! You don't realize how lucky you are. I would give anything to be right there beside you!! The light at the end of your school year tunnel is getting closer & you will remain fabulous as you close this rather stressful season of your life. Happy 6 month bday to Roman!! love you momma!