Monday, November 21, 2011

figuring things out.

i'm realizing that the first month of being a stay at home mom was my honeymoon period.
it slowly faded, and i slipped into a one-week depression.
we're talkin, stay in my pajamas all day.....
mutter bad things under my breath when i was washing dish after dish, just to wash more later.....
and again the bad thoughts as i picked up toy after toy, just to pick them all up again a few hours later.....
and again the bad thoughts as i tried to figure out what to feed roman for breakfast, knowing i would have to stare at the fridge a few hours later for lunch and again for dinner......
and again as i thought about my pathetic self pouting.....wondering why i was such a mess.
i felt so LAME.
i wondered why i was letting such things get me so down?
i thought, what is WRONG with me?

why am i pouting, dragging my feet, going one too many days without washing my hair???
.....i've been dreaming of staying home with my baby ever since i saw the positive sign on the preggo test.
......this summer i was home with romes full time and i had a blast! it was a cinch!
.......i'm blessed with a happy healthy child!
why am i such a mess?

well, i'll tell ya one thing's for sure. continuing in the same pouty motions each day DOES NOT get you out of your slump. rather, it forces you down deeper.....

so. THAT's it, i said to myself.
time to put the big girl pants on and dig myself out.
what a yucky week. NO MORE!

truth's been hard to go from spending the day with 450+ children and 50+ JUST one other person {and he's only 13 months old}
i'm social. that's me. i need people around me.

so i went to town with setting up play dates, and all of the sudden i found my self with guests in my home ............5 days in a row. whoa.
some might think, "YIKES". you're overboard. calm down.
but i LOVED it.

i've always wanted my home to be swarming with people, conversation, children, food, sweets.....MUST have desserts {and wine too of course}

so that's what i did. i opened my door and in they came :)
and it was great.

i'm SO thankful for our church. the friendships i've made at oakhills are priceless.
and for me, friendships are medicine. yummy nummy medicine.

not having ANY family around has been difficult lately.
but i'm learning to lean on friends to fill that void.

what a blessing my yucky depressed week was for me.
while it was an ugly one, it revealed so much.

i learned to take pride in providing food for roman
i learned to be OK with a messy house
i learned to appreciate that mr leif doesn't demand dinner by 6pm and to take that pressure off myself
i learned that i NEED to get dressed, no all-day pajamas!
i learned that i do best when i get some adult interaction in my week
i learned that life is beautiful and we're give just the exact amount of grace we need to pull through these yucky times ;)

cheers to figuring out this new job, one day at a time!

oh. and i learned that from 4- 5:45 pm can be such a nasty time.......tired, hungry child wanting daddy + tired, hungry momma wanting daddy = bad combo.
i learned that blaring music is a MUST during that hour and a half. and dancing to that music makes things even better. {just ask roman!}


  1. Awwww! So glad things are getting better for you and you're figuring things out. And so glad I got to be one of your guests this week ;) Looking forward to more playdates!

  2. life is hard, huh?! why can't we go back to sitting on the life guard stand, eating sweet treat, and aunt emma's cheesecake???

    you must put on a good front because you always seem/look/act so happy!! you had me fooled that your heart is elsewhere :) i'm happy for you to get in a new 'groove' AND to start a new creative adventure!! i totally know what you mean about the "witching" hour of a little one that is tired, hungry, etc!! yikes!!!

    so we might have to discuss some print ideas while you are back to go up in the new babe's room, mmkay?!
    love YOU!!!!

  3. I'm social too and often craved friend time after I nannied all day. Keep dancing Lindsey!!!

  4. oh melinda.......when you saw me a month ago i was doing fine :) it was just a mini rough patch :) and sweet girl, if we ever move back to nebraska and become your neighbors we would TOTALLY STILL be indulging in cheesecake. duh!

  5. i resonate. it has been a real fight for me to stay up...takes a lot of intention! i do so much better working out in the morning, eating healthy, and trying to schedule lots of time with other good to read these things and know that i'm not the only one. wish you lived closer, sweet girl. <3