my brain is working again.

as i opened up the fridge today, staring at each shelf,

intently searching for just the right snack,

the one that might appeal to that darn sweet tooth....

or the one that might strike up my cheesy side.....

perhaps, the one that might load me up carb-style,

i realized something.

how full my mind is.

ideas are flowing.

one thought to another.

thinking, wondering, pondering.

{and i'm not talking about pinterest ideas.}

{these aren't diy ideas, folks}

{these are real life, WOW God...you're speaking to me, ideas}

i've never really slowed down [in life] to experience this.

but i knew i wanted to.

i remember, wishing SO badly that life would relax a bit.

and though, as a momma of a toddler boy ON.THE.GO, i'm not necessarily slowing down physically.......

i'm definitely not strung out in 8 different places anymore.

rather, i'm learning to be intentional about just a few.

when i was working, and going to school, and being and mom, and a wife, and well....a sister, a daughter, and a friend? i was tapped out. emotionally.

i could attend here and there, but really?

truly?

i was surviving.

survival mode.

get up, get dressed. feed the baby. pack the bags.

speed over to day care. rush off to work. leave work, some nights, off to class.

home to cuddle baby, eat something. shower. goodnight.

repeat.

lots of times.

truth is though?

i thrived. i thrive with having to compete.

and for a while there, i was competing with life.

every day was a marathon, and when i hit the pillow, i knew it would happen again the next day.

now let's be real, most have it way more tough than that.

some are battling illness, or balancing the schedules of multiple children, or single-momming it, or whatever other trying things there are going on out there....

but,

for me?

i was at my max with thriving.

though i was making it through.

that's all i was doing.

the motions.

now, however, i've discovered that something so significant was missing.

my thought process.

i didn't know what it was like to truly think or ponder.

i didn't meditate on His precepts.

i just acted. go. go. go.

but now?

i'm learning what it's like to be still.

thinking, pondering.

it's as if i can breathe a bit better.

.....

i've been wanting to blog like crazy,

but i'm torn between what to put out there and what to keep in the comfort of paper and pen, in the privacy of my own journal.

the intention of blogging......for me?

what is it that i'm after.

i don't know.

for the most part?

it's an outlet.

even as i type now, my fingers just go, and half the time i wonder if what i'm saying is crazypants.

i don't picture a particular reader, or audience.

i don't hope to be the next megablogger.

i just type when i have a moment.

i suppose i'll just keep on, keepin on.

i do however have one guideline for 2012:

"may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, o Lord, my ROCK, and my REDEEMER."

psalm 19.14

and because this post wasn't random enough.

or just in case you are bored out of your mind with my rambling.

here's entirely way to many photos that i've dumped from my phone.

let's get you up to speed with the life of the leif's here folks.

before the holiday craziness.....birthday celebrations! and painting with friends! and sitting in cars at costco! and radiating with joy over the littles singing at church!

and in the heart of holiday prep......running errands with mom in my christmas sweater! and reading books with daddy by the tree! and trying on mommy's old high school volleyball shorts! and picking up a prime rib for dinner! [YUCK. i don't like raw meet] and trying out my early gift from grammy!

and smack dab, right during the most wonderful time of the year......road trips to the NE! and snuggles with charlotte! and dumping out grammy's puppy's water. everywhere! and getting happy meals, because we drove across the whole state of NE! and enjoying the great weather!

and now that it's january?...........chuckling at baby's shoes / daddy's shoes! awwww! and dumping out the parmesan cheese EVERYWHERE, and then licking it off the floor! oh, a few days before the cheese? dumping the rice everywhere! and most importantly? playdates with friends :)

whew.

there ya have it.

good night ;)

PS-i bought ONE veggie tales dvd for roman. and now?

i WANT ALL OF THEM.

the end.