Wednesday, May 2, 2012

sometimes everything seems peachy.

something that the Lord has put on my heart this past year is transparency.

and, with blogging, and really, any social media, that can be difficult.
it's easy to hide behind the screens.  keep your life, or at least the ugly parts of your life, a secret.
only declare the good, right?

while blogging can have so many different purposes for each writer, for me it's a story of our life, mostly through my eyes, because i have declared myself the "matriarch of {family} memories".
but in leu of the transparency i mentioned a moment ago, i realize, how easy it is to get caught up in hiding the ugly.  trying to cover it up.  and, just portraying the good.

and, well,
if there's anything i want to promote about the life a believer, it would be that we struggle.
as christians, each day is a battle.  we get sucked in with temptations.
we think we want the american dream, too......or so it seems.
oh, beating heart.  be humbled.
less of me.
more of him.


tonight mr leif and i had one of those deep conversations.
the one where my words get going so quick with excitement, but just as soon as they race off in conversation they are haulted with thought.  we pondered on the calling, the life of a true believer.

what drives us?
is it the momentary happiness from new things, accomplishments, or recognition?
or is it proclaiming Christ, and living each day with joy, and with gratitude: knowing we can't make it on our own, but with the Grace our Father gives cover all the missing gaps.  {you know, the ones a house, or a car, a nap, a new pair of shoes, or the comfort of a 401K just can't fill....}
to raise our children, to know the Lord, and to know how badly they need his mercy and grace....
to give of our time, our money.  to walk with our friends through the dark times, bearing burdens as we are so lovingly called to do.  and to rejoice with them in their celebration.
it's finding the beauty amongst the ugly, and knowing, our treasures are in heaven.
it's recognizing that to be last, is first.


so then i come, again, to this halting point with blogging.
do i post pictures, and ramble on about our little life?
do i make it look so peachy perfect?
do i want my children to page back through, and think we had it "all together"?
not really.
not at all.

i want them to see i struggled.  that momma didn't have it all together.
she tried, but in the end, there were always gaps.  gaps to be filled by jesus and his grace.
i want my children to know of his amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me,

i want you to see that i struggle.  that our home isn't always filled with laughter, hugs, sparkles, and glitter.  i want you to know things like, when i plugged this computer in tonight to blog, i shocked my finger and said a not very nice word.
we try hard, and we fail hard.
and we keep trying.
and if i can reveal to you anything, i hope....with my whole heart, it's that you need jesus to fulfill the longing that nothing else can, to calm your heart, to balm your soul.


and because, remember? i AM the matriarch of memories for my family, i'll end with a recap of photos.
asking you to see beyond them and know that it's not always peachy in our home,
but at the end of the day, we come before grateful for another start tomorrow.

oh, and one more thing.  did you know that snuggling with your children is next to indescribable?
so is smooching, tickling, and seeing their face light up when they get a $2 bus from a garage sale.
i LOVE being a mommy :)

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