grace for the lazy wife.

happy birthday mr leif.

today you are 29.

this morning, roman and i lit a candle and stuck it in a cinnamon roll.

roman was excited to sing "happy birday" and even more gaa-gaa over the "hot tandle".

. . .

i could stop there, and lead you all to believe that i am such a good wife.

that i woke up early and made breakfast for my husband's birthday.

but i'm not a good wife.  i'm actually pretty sucky.

truth?  mr leif layed out the cinnamon rolls last night.

truth?  roman was up before 5 and mr leif went to give him some milk, and then preheated the oven.

truth?  all i did was frost them.  and stick a candle one.

i justified him being the one to get up early with romes, on his birthday, by just chalking it up to "part of their bonding time"

but then i felt guilty.  and it was the good kind of convicting guilt.
so i hopped out of bed, and mr leif went back to bed.
 and later, we delivered him his breakfast.

. . .

the category of wife is not a pretty one, for me.

there are a lot of ways i struggle as a wife,

but it seems the more i am aware of them..... and the more i admit to them..... and the more i realize that i make it "all about me"..... then that's when the Lord seems to intervene.
when i give in.  admit the struggle.  He rescues.

he supplies this astounding amount of grace, and fills in the gaps that are, sadly, so large.
he gives me the desire to change, to serve.
more of him+less of me=serve my husband.

when i truly evaluate my role as wife, i develop the desire to bring about change.

so, as it would go, i realize my laziness this morning.  my selfishness.
and my lack of desire to serve my husband.

and today?  i shall go to the store and attempt to cook up a feast for dinner.

i'm sure it will be a mini disaster.  but he knows that for me, trying to cook is as much as successfully cooking.

so thankful i get to walk through this life with mr leif.  for his patience. and his humble ways.

. . .

PS.

i'm soaking up this book:

{grace for the good girl, by emily p. freeman)
this part touched me:  "....i told myself that good wives keep a clean house and don't cry about paint color.  good wives make good food for their hungry men and anticipate their needs before they have them.  and by the way? good wives are beautiful.

that gorgeous good wife stood in the corner of my living room, just over my husband's shoulder.
she was so put-together, so strikingly perfect, and so very ashamed of me.
 i was a prisoner in my own home, a prisoner to my own impossible expectations."

and loving these words:

{psalm 62:5 in the bible, david and jesus}
so healing to me:  "My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him;

for my hope and expectation are from Him."