april showers.

april was a hard month for me.

my sister was here for over for a few days in the beginning, 

[hi little niece, hazel!!!]

and my mom stayed for another week,

but then i was mostly solo. with the boys. in a home that was all torn apart.

though my mom and sister had done some unpacking for me, most of our things were (and still are!) in boxes.

walls were attempting to get painted, floors were being finished up, little projects here and there were popping up around the house, leaving me to live in a construction zone while mr leif went off to work.

i so badly (and still do!) want to set up our home.  

i want to paint, decorate, unpack my "decor" boxes, go thrifting to find new treasures for this home, and arrange our furniture to flow better.... 

but it seems like all i could do was feed and change the boys, remember to eat  and brush my teeth, and occasionally attempt to leave the house for a trip to the park.

from these photos, it looks like all we did was sleep the month of april away...

and, well, there were times i wish i could have :)

sweet little archer had an interesting first month.

his first couple weeks were great.  although i quickly dealt with his straining pain after every feeding.

it seemed like his gassiness and stomach pains came far too often and made our feedings miserable.

i tried gas drops, gripe water, and even cut out dairy for a week, and nothing seemed to work.

so i switched to exclusively pumping, thinking he would get less air with a bottle?  

he drank like a champ.

however, by the end of the month, i learned that pumping, and then feeding with a bottle, while having a toddler run wild was not going to work!

by the time june came, we worked ourselves back to nursing again.

whew.  what a roller coaster these little issues can be.

the boys began to bond.

which actually looks like roman running up to archer screaming, "hey otcha!"

followed by him lightly poking his cheeks yelling, "tink!"

brotherly love?

:)

there were moments when i felt regret.

why did we move?

we could have just made it work in our old house, the boys could have just shared a room, 

at least we wouldn't be in this strange place.  and at least i wouldn't so alone, right?

there were evenings with these :)

 and handfuls and handfuls of these :)

 and i desperately clung to my jesus calling devotional.

i'd read days and days of devotionals at a time.  just for a glimpse of hope. 

and this verse, i clung to it:

if you've ever felt like your world was too much to handle, you'll appreciate this verse.

it might seem silly to some, too feel so overwhelmed in my situation.

but hormones are cray.

and sleep deprivations is cray cray.

and wild toddlers are really cray.

and then,

one day some happy mail came :)

 [my new solly baby wrap, and a package from my sis!]

and some sweet cuddling with my boys :)

and before i knew it things were starting to seem manageable.

archer is truly a delightful baby.

just look at him :)

 i remember my first couple months with roman were difficult.

this time around i feel like the yucky phase lasted about a month and a half, about mid may things started getting better.

i'm so grateful for my friends, the prayers, little texts and visits and countless cookie deliveries, (thanks jess!) were like little lifelines to get me through.

i love that i can be honest with them and tell them when i'm struggling, and they're right there ready to pick up the slack.  

and i think my sister called every day for a while to make sure i was ok :)

God has been so good to me, in giving me this support system here in KC, away from family.

these girls are family!

motherhood is so good.  so hard.  so scary.  and so SO beautiful.
it's refinement at its best, and i'm so thankful that the Lord is using these little boys to refine me.
i'm a lucky momma :)