on being grateful.

we struggled for over a month trying to find childcare......

and pre-mom lindsey would have shrugged her shoulders at that issue, thinking these types of thoughts:

.....it's not that big of a deal, people deal with way worse.

.....just call around.

.....just go visit some places.

.....just ask some friends.

.....your child will be fine.

.....if he's not fine, after a week or so, he'll be used to it.

but momma lindsey? notsomuch.

it's different when you're a mom.

everything is different.

the change is indescribable.

we heart bath time.

the thought of finding someone else to watch your baby. the way you care for him???

it seems impossible, and it's a wearing topic to have on your mind for days upon days.

but i surrendered.

i had no other ideas,

i had searched high and low,

i had come to a place where tears were flowing, while i sat on the kitchen floor, contemplating....

am i a horrible mom for working, anyways?

am i a horrible mom for paying someone else to help raise my child?

am i just a horrible mom and God is trying to tell me i'm doing the wrong thing??

i know, i know...

looking back, those thoughts seem so irrational. but at the time?

it's what was flowin'

but God is good.

and God is faithful.

and when we surrender, He steps right in.

seriously, love him. ahhhh, it kills me.

Roman had his first week with his new babysitter, and it went OK. not great....but OK.

and that's OK.

the first day was horrible. and, hearing the words, "he was inconsolable" tore at my heart.

but after the second day and hearing, "he did great!!" ......it was like music to my ears.

his third and final day of the week was mediocre. which i accepted willingly.

i know he'll have bad days,

but he will have great ones too.

we all do.

and so it's time.

time to be grateful.

smoochy. smoochy. smooch.

i read this tonight:

What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

i know, did it give you a sick feeling in your tummy?

me too.

and so, i must say goodnight for now, because i'm off to give a prayer of thankfulness,

and you betcha it's gonna be a l.o.n.g. one........

i've been blessed with more than i deserve, and it's time i raise my head up above the fog and smile.

and be thankful.

dizzle at 10 months.

oh little roman......you're not so little anymore.....

in fact, you're growing rather quickly!!!

we love you sooooo much,

and we especially love................
your cheesy little smile.

your attention to detail.

your erupting little giggle.

your interest in new things.

your love for your momma.

your love for the outdoors.

your eagerness to be independent.

your desire to take off and crawl anywhere.

your blabbering little syllables, of "dadaa" "bubu" and now, finally, "mumma"

your need for momma's presence.

your love to be spun around.

your love to be up so high.

your love of smooches.

your eagerness to walk with help.

your love to get your hands into things.

your love to do things on your own.

your love of refusing to eat (which momma, doesn't love) but here, ah HAH! caught you snarfin up a goldfish.

your love of being nakey. (get this shirt off momma!)

your love to be held.

(and momma's love to hold you)

(and also, momma's love to see your hair grow out and be shaggy.....but.....right now it's just a mess. a hott hott mess....)

your love for your daddy.

your love to be together, us three. it's when you're truly happiest.

and so are we.

little roman joe. our rome dizzle dizzle doo,

we do love you so much.

this month, the tenth one, has brought out such a new personality in you.

it's funny, yes indeed.

it's playful, yep yep.

and it's stubborn, yes that too.

i know, already, you will stretch my patience as much as they can be stretched.

i know, already, we will have power struggles.

but i'm preparing.

preparing with great prayers that i raise you with grace. calm, patient grace.

i hope to channel your strong personality into the best direction possible.

i'm so thankful for your daddy.

be provides the perfect part to our little trio of love.

he's calm, and patient, and doesn't get worked up over things like youNOTeating.

so yay for your daddy.

and yay for you.

in just a couple months you'll be one, what?

inhale, exhale. time goes quickly.