and pre-mom lindsey would have shrugged her shoulders at that issue, thinking these types of thoughts:
.....it's not that big of a deal, people deal with way worse.
.....just call around.
.....just go visit some places.
.....just ask some friends.
.....your child will be fine.
.....if he's not fine, after a week or so, he'll be used to it.
but momma lindsey? notsomuch.
it's different when you're a mom.
everything is different.
the thought of finding someone else to watch your baby. the way you care for him???
it seems impossible, and it's a wearing topic to have on your mind for days upon days.
but i surrendered.
i had no other ideas,
i had searched high and low,
i had come to a place where tears were flowing, while i sat on the kitchen floor, contemplating....
am i a horrible mom for working, anyways?
am i a horrible mom for paying someone else to help raise my child?
am i just a horrible mom and God is trying to tell me i'm doing the wrong thing??
i know, i know...
looking back, those thoughts seem so irrational. but at the time?
it's what was flowin'
but God is good.
and God is faithful.
and when we surrender, He steps right in.
Roman had his first week with his new babysitter, and it went OK. not great....but OK.
and that's OK.
the first day was horrible. and, hearing the words, "he was inconsolable" tore at my heart.
but after the second day and hearing, "he did great!!" ......it was like music to my ears.
his third and final day of the week was mediocre. which i accepted willingly.
i know he'll have bad days,
but he will have great ones too.
we all do.
and so it's time.
time to be grateful.
i read this tonight:
What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?
i know, did it give you a sick feeling in your tummy?
and so, i must say goodnight for now, because i'm off to give a prayer of thankfulness,
and you betcha it's gonna be a l.o.n.g. one........
i've been blessed with more than i deserve, and it's time i raise my head up above the fog and smile.
and be thankful.