some news :)

with a title like that,

your guess is probably right on.

yes, yes my dear sweet friends.....we're having a baby :)

{cue:tears of joy}

however, i'm sharing this {probably way to} early, because i'm asking for prayers.

...

mr. leif and i were rejoicing a couple weeks ago.

rejoicing because we found out we're pregnant. it was a friday evening. i was craving a glass of wine, as was mr. leif, but because of womanly circumstances that hadn't taken place.....we thought i should take a pregnancy test, just in case, before we opened our wine ;) well.........YIKES, it said pregnant. we freaked with excitement. last weekend was a lovely weekend.

last tuesday, i saw my dr. who confirmed the pregnancy and put me at 7 weeks and a few days, making my due date september 28! wowza!

but......with sudden signs of miscarriage on thursday, i went in for an early ultrasound friday, 3 days ago.

no heartbeat.
at 7 weeks, there should have been a heartbeat.

the rather rude ultrasound lady concluded that there is a small chance i am just not at 7 weeks yet, but instead 4-5 weeks. but with the signs of miscarraige, we need to come in soon for another ultrasound, to see what's going on.

so, a week later, this friday, we go back. that is just weird. a week later. seriously?

what? i have to wait a week until we can check again?
how am i supposed to go about my life?

am i still supposed to be excited about my baby?
how can i not worry about the dreadful news i might hear?
am i supposed to be worried that there is no longer a baby?
how do i know if this is a version of morning sickness...or the feeling of miscarriage?
am i supposed to think positively?
why have i been so focused on the negative?
am i supposed to try and figure out a solution?
why can't i fix this problem?

i know the answer those questions.
so i'll wait.
i'll wait to see what His plan is, and i'll pray. i'll pray that His plan and my plan match up.
and if they don't, i will cry and listen to music with my eyes closed. a lot. and then i'll pray in thankfulness that His plan is better than my plan.

i've never wished my weekend to go so fast, ever. but i wished for it to fly by so mr. leif can come back next thursday night and we can await our appointment friday morning.

i write all of this, as i think to myself ....why, in the world, are you sharing this with your readers....it's sort of weird and too early to share??? but it's not for me. i like to share with the people i love. it's who i am. i don't keep things in. i share. and i am sharing now because i am asking for your prayers. in the 'old days' this whole situation would have been a secret. a secret between mr. leif and i. but for me, it's healthy to unload things into others' ears. and right now, it's easiest to do it writing in this blog.

and more thanks. thanks for praying for us, and for our week to fly by. i just want to know if i need to move on, or if i can still dream of my summer being a beached whale by the pool :)

......please pray for the latter option :)

ok. ok. no more pouting around. i can't stand this. it's a holiday and we didn't have school today.
normally i would be creating something for my house, rearranging, cleaning, or organizing.... so. even though i have spent the first 4 good hours of this day on the couch, eating a cinnamon roll, pouting............i'm getting up to do something productive :)