Saturday, February 13, 2010

some news :)

with a title like that,
your guess is probably right on.
yes, yes my dear sweet friends.....we're having a baby :)

{cue:tears of joy}

however, i'm sharing this {probably way to} early, because i'm asking for prayers.


mr. leif and i were rejoicing a couple weeks ago.
rejoicing because we found out we're pregnant. it was a friday evening. i was craving a glass of wine, as was mr. leif, but because of womanly circumstances that hadn't taken place.....we thought i should take a pregnancy test, just in case, before we opened our wine ;) well.........YIKES, it said pregnant. we freaked with excitement. last weekend was a lovely weekend.

last tuesday, i saw my dr. who confirmed the pregnancy and put me at 7 weeks and a few days, making my due date september 28! wowza!

but......with sudden signs of miscarriage on thursday, i went in for an early ultrasound friday, 3 days ago.

no heartbeat.
at 7 weeks, there should have been a heartbeat.

the rather rude ultrasound lady concluded that there is a small chance i am just not at 7 weeks yet, but instead 4-5 weeks. but with the signs of miscarraige, we need to come in soon for another ultrasound, to see what's going on.

so, a week later, this friday, we go back. that is just weird. a week later. seriously?

what? i have to wait a week until we can check again?
how am i supposed to go about my life?

am i still supposed to be excited about my baby?
how can i not worry about the dreadful news i might hear?
am i supposed to be worried that there is no longer a baby?
how do i know if this is a version of morning sickness...or the feeling of miscarriage?
am i supposed to think positively?
why have i been so focused on the negative?
am i supposed to try and figure out a solution?
why can't i fix this problem?

i know the answer those questions.
so i'll wait.
i'll wait to see what His plan is, and i'll pray. i'll pray that His plan and my plan match up.
and if they don't, i will cry and listen to music with my eyes closed. a lot. and then i'll pray in thankfulness that His plan is better than my plan.

i've never wished my weekend to go so fast, ever. but i wished for it to fly by so mr. leif can come back next thursday night and we can await our appointment friday morning.

i write all of this, as i think to myself ....why, in the world, are you sharing this with your's sort of weird and too early to share??? but it's not for me. i like to share with the people i love. it's who i am. i don't keep things in. i share. and i am sharing now because i am asking for your prayers. in the 'old days' this whole situation would have been a secret. a secret between mr. leif and i. but for me, it's healthy to unload things into others' ears. and right now, it's easiest to do it writing in this blog.

and more thanks. thanks for praying for us, and for our week to fly by. i just want to know if i need to move on, or if i can still dream of my summer being a beached whale by the pool :)

......please pray for the latter option :)

ok. ok. no more pouting around. i can't stand this. it's a holiday and we didn't have school today.
normally i would be creating something for my house, rearranging, cleaning, or organizing.... so. even though i have spent the first 4 good hours of this day on the couch, eating a cinnamon roll, pouting............i'm getting up to do something productive :)


  1. Oh, Lindsey.... the mixed emotions I felt as I read this! First "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! she's pregnant!! I'm SO excited!!!!" and then "oh, no, no, no" my heart started to break for you... so if my emotions are this crazy, I can only imagine what YOU must be feeling right now. I wish I could hug you!!

    I will be praying. Praying that we will all get to rejoice with you and Mr. Leif in the promise of a baby. Praying for the little life that is hopefully still inside you. Praying for peace for you both, no matter what may come. As you said, dear friend, His plan is always perfect and you can fully rest in Him to take care of you AND your baby... no matter what.

    I'm so thankful you DID share this with us... because it is a privilege to pray for you and I will do so faithfully this week. love you. :)

  2. Sweet, Sweet Lindsey!!! I am SOOOOOOOO sorry about this completely TOUGH situation you are going through right now. Thank you for sharing something so personal so that I/we can be praying for you!! Please know that I will be keeping you in my prayers! I am so in awww of you.........just for you to realize in this and every situation, that no matter what, God DOES have a plan in all of this...but it doesn't mean it will be an easy road! I hope everything turns out to be just fine, but if you ever do end up needing a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. Just know that! love, love, love you sweet friend!

  3. Oh Lindsey, I am so proud of you for pouring your heart out and allowing all of us a glimpse of what you are going through and to be able to pray for you, Casey and that tiny, precious little life.

    I know you already know this, but I am here for you and I completely understand all the emotions you have right now - if you need anything, anytime (seriously a 3 AM call is not off limits) I am here.


    Love you!

  4. i can't even imagine what you must be feeling. may God wrap his arms around you & give you the courage & grace you need to make it to the wkend! i will be praying for you friend, hoping for good news. xo.

  5. Linds-
    I am so sorry to hear about your recent ups and downs. I am praying that everything will work out for the best, and that the week will fly by so your mind can be put at ease. In times of stress I always think of this verse

    Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6

    Take Care.

  6. So good talking with today!!! If this isn't your time then God has a reason ---it's all part of his plan & it's hard for us 'planners' to just go with the flow but these things are out of our hands. Keep your contagious positive spirits up--who knows what later this week will bring!!!

    Love you girl!!! P.S. I think I'm going to start a blog :) Still trying to come up with a name for it....

  7. i love you. i love your baby. call me sometime and I'll buy my tickets. I'm coming home over your spring break. that's final. i'll be there soon sissy.