Sunday, January 9, 2011

his baby book is empty...

yep. it is. and you know what? i don't know if it will ever get written in.

why is it that i hold myself to such a high standard?
why do i set the bar at an unreachable level?
why am i constently comparing myself to others?
why do i use the phrase "you should" when engaging in self-talk?

the baby book falls into this category.
from day one, actually before day one, i should have been filling it out...
writing down roman's firsts, the facts, all that good stuff.
but the truth? i haven't even opened it up, let alone documented any of his life inside it.

days have gone by, weeks, months actually. it's still blank. and i still tell myself i should have been writing in it, and i need to get it started.

ok... ok... then i started thinking.....
clearly, i'm not passionate about this babybook.
if i was, i totally would have been nose deep in it, updating the pages with every passing day of roman's existence....but i'm not. i haven't.
so why am i trying to get myself to do something that i obviously don't want to do?

if i'm not passionate about the baby book - why am i feeling so guilty for leaving it blank?

heck, i don't even know if i have a baby book (hi mom! do i have one?)

and since i like to self disclose practically anything about myself......i'll let you in on another 'downfall' i've recently realized.

back when i contemplated even getting a baby book, i thought, "oh i'll just update weekly on my blog" you know - roman updates.
that way, if/when i printed out my blog into a book or something of that sort, then i could have all of romy's little life documented.

welp. that's another big fat fail.
i can't keep up.
and i'm going to stop holding myself to the standard of where i think i should be.

instead, i'm going to soak up roman in the best form there is.

with snuggles, and hugs, and kisses, and of course some pictures here and there.......
clearly, i don't have the desire, time, passion for baby books. (i mean he's almost 3 months already and i haven't had the drive to start it!!) OR to update his life via blog on a regular basis.
and that's OK.

i have it all in my mind.
all in my heart.
i won't forget any of his little new beginnings.

no, i may not have the exact date and time of his first coo. or his first smile. or his first blow out. or his first spit up. or the first time he peed on me. or the first time he pooped on mr leif. but i dont need to know the exacts. i just know they happened, and that's good enough for me.

so here's to releasing myself from the guilt.
here's to being OK with not saving hair from his first haircut.
and here's to that empty baby book.
heck, maybe i'll just regift it?!


  1. i think it's most important to write down first words and funny things kids say anyway...that's the best stuff to remember. you're so fine. give yourself grace mama. i know i'll need help with the mom-petition struggle someday...dang those perfect ladies and their blogs ;)

  2. i don't think the good Lord commands us to do baby books, so you are doing just fine:)

    i did a scrapbook for finn and did not really enjoy was a lot of work. i have not done one for the other kids. maybe one day i will, but maybe i won't!