Sunday, January 2, 2011

i've got spittup in my hair...

...and i don't care!
...and i doubt i'll wash it before work tomorrow :)

i mean, i washed it this morning, and i usually try to make it 2-3 days before washing it judging.
day 3 hair is the best to style.

and plus, tomorrow is THEday.
the dreaded day i go back to work....

oh i've been quite the mess today.
at one point, i stood in the dining room and tried to walk in three different directions.
i took a step towards the living room, to go fold the laundry.
i took a step towards the front room, to go rearrange (not sure why i wanted to do that)
then i took a step towards the bedroom to go make the bed.
i didn't end up doing any of those things, instead, i went to the kitchen, where mr leif was prepping our stew ingredients for tomorrow night's supper, and making puppy chow to snack on tonight, and doing dishes from the lunch he made earlier........
i started bawling....and bawling...."i can't leave him.....sniffffffff.sniffffffff." (said between sobs)

today has been so weird.
i felt sick, like throw-up sick, multiple times today.
i've been so nervous.
so overwhelmed.

i just need tomorrow to come and go as fast as it can, so i know what to expect for tuesday....and then next day......and the next.

i do think i'm about to embark on one of the hardest things i've had to do yet.
leave my baby for the whole day?

i'm so torn,
part of me wants the sitter to cuddle him up and love him galore....but then part of me wants her to keep her distance - because, he's MINE!
don't kiss him! that's my job!
don't make him smile - he does that for ME!
don't rock him to sleep - that's only something I get to do.

but then what's best for rome?

oh gag.

i should stop now.
i just need to go to bed.
and let God work out his will through me.

i know tomorrow will be horribly hard, and that i'll make it through.

well, little romes, these last 12 weeks have been the best EVER.
i've been thinking lately how much i need to cherish all of my time with him.

because i won't ever have i this easy with a newborn again.
there won't ever be just a newborn and me anymore, my next baby will come and i'll have roman too, and then the next will come and i'll have two others runnin around.
this first one is a treasure.
and i want to embrace our time together.

all of our snuggles
all of our morning giggles
all of our kissin
and all of our naps together :)

alrighty, i need to stop rambling.
i need to go wash my pump stuff and get everything ready to go for the morning.

and i promise to get back into the blogging world again.
i know i've been mia lately.

i intended to blog about roman's latest...
i intended to blog about christmas...
i intended to blog about new years...
and so much more...

but my minds been a whirwind.
ok, thank you so much for all your prayers and thoughts and notes of encouragement.

the day has come, and i know i can do it.

roman and i on new years day - out for breakfast with dad!


  1. I've worked in daycares for over 5 years, and I'm familiar with this struggle all mom's go through.
    Don't fear, you will ALWAYS be his mommy to him, and as he gets older, that smile he will get as he runs over to you when you come to get him will melt your heart. He will be fine :)
    You may take longer to adjust, but will be fine eventually too :)

  2. sweet girl, i am praying for you from nebraska today. so proud of you for doing something so tough and hurting for you too! you leaving spit up in your hair to smell it is a beautiful thing. i'd do it too. take it one day at a aren't married to anything except mr. leif. xoxo

  3. Spit up in your hair, you crack me up! So funny yet so endearingly sweet! Romes will get a kick outta this post one day for sure. Best of luck tomorrow. I'll say a little (or big) prayer for you!