i don't know if i'll ever be able to completely put into words, the transformation you go through when becoming a momma. but i'm going to try.
i don't know if these posts will have order or topics, but i intend to start typing and just let my thoughts flow.
i don't know how many parts there will be, but i will write until i feel like i've shared my experience enough.
i'm writing about my postpartum experience because: shared joy is a double joy, and shared sorrow is only half a sorrow.
i've touched on it a few times already.
but i feel like i've only chipped at the surface of something that i crave so badly to talk about....so bad that i've decided to write about it, and then if you wanna talk? like really talk? (charlie this is for you....) let's hash it out more. over wine. over chocolate. over anything you'd prefer.
childbirth will rock your world.
mentally? big yes.
emotionally? biggest yes yet.
to my friends who are pregnant at the moment:
know this, when you come home from the hospital, after the dust settles, you will maybe want to cry, you will maybe want to yell, you will maybe not want to talk at all.....that is ok.
i think the best thing that was done for me, after Roman was born, was to ask the raw question of 'how are YOU lindsey?"
it will be ok to say you don't want to be a momma, and that it's too hard, and that you didn't know what you were getting into.
it will be ok to say that you are so tired that you can't think straight.
it will be ok to say that you are frustrated with your husband's ability to sleep through the night.
it will be ok to say that you are so overwhelmed with the responsibility of this new itty bitty human being, that you want to hide in your closet.
because, becoming a mother is truly the biggest shift in 'figuring out who you are' that you will probably ever experience.
you will mourn the old you. but, you will celebrate the new you.
you will mourn your relationship with your husband, but you will get creative with what your relationship will now need to become.
you will mourn for long warm showers, but you can have those on saturdays when your husband is home.
you will mourn, probably for a lot of things. and that is ok.
(i don't even know if i am spelling mourn correctly.)
i remember a conversation i had with another mom, when she first layed eyes on her baby, it was love a first sight, yes. however, there was an awkward feeling of 'this is my baby?'......like at the very first moment you are to fall in love and know everything about them and know how to take care of them and soothe them like a glass of red wine soothes my thursday nights........but truth is? it's scary. it's hard. and there are so many times you feel like you can't keep going, but you do. you keep going and you make it through. just know it is not easy.
you may not crave conversation as i do. but you need it, it's healthy.
so call me. tell me to come over, and please pour your heart out.
you don't have to pretend everything is fine. or act like you are fine. and keep all of your fears bottled up.
be prepared to be rocked.
be preapared to be shifted.
be prepared to cry.
be prepared to be confused.
be prepared to feel guilt.
be prepared to be sad.
but know that i'll listen.
know that so many others have experienced it too.
and know that you love your baby so much.
so much that you can't even put it into words.
don't feel bad for tears, guilt, or sadness.
those will not define you as a new mom.
those will not define your love for your child.
those will just be feelings for a short while.
what will last, is your child.
your love for them,
your relationship with them.
i will be there for you. a phone call away.
i will listen, i will hug.
our Father did not make us perfect mothers.
in fact, we can never achieve perfection in motherhood. ever.
because if we could? then our children wouldn't have a need for a perfect GOD.
when we are weak. HE is strong.
ladies, you will be weak. you will be exhausted.
but your love for your child will prevail.
you'll find your place.
you'll find peace.
but mostly? you'll need to lean on the Lord.
He will be your strong tower.
"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. "