Thursday, January 13, 2011

a postpartum series: part 1

i don't know if i'll ever be able to completely put into words, the transformation you go through when becoming a momma. but i'm going to try.
i don't know if these posts will have order or topics, but i intend to start typing and just let my thoughts flow.
i don't know how many parts there will be, but i will write until i feel like i've shared my experience enough.
i'm writing about my postpartum experience because: shared joy is a double joy, and shared sorrow is only half a sorrow.

i've touched on it a few times already.
but i feel like i've only chipped at the surface of something that i crave so badly to talk about....so bad that i've decided to write about it, and then if you wanna talk? like really talk? (charlie this is for you....) let's hash it out more. over wine. over chocolate. over anything you'd prefer.

...

childbirth will rock your world.
physically? yes.
mentally? big yes.
emotionally? biggest yes yet.

to my friends who are pregnant at the moment:
know this, when you come home from the hospital, after the dust settles, you will maybe want to cry, you will maybe want to yell, you will maybe not want to talk at all.....that is ok.

i think the best thing that was done for me, after Roman was born, was to ask the raw question of 'how are YOU lindsey?"

it will be ok to say you don't want to be a momma, and that it's too hard, and that you didn't know what you were getting into.
it will be ok to say that you are so tired that you can't think straight.
it will be ok to say that you are frustrated with your husband's ability to sleep through the night.
it will be ok to say that you are so overwhelmed with the responsibility of this new itty bitty human being, that you want to hide in your closet.

because, becoming a mother is truly the biggest shift in 'figuring out who you are' that you will probably ever experience.

you will mourn the old you. but, you will celebrate the new you.
you will mourn your relationship with your husband, but you will get creative with what your relationship will now need to become.
you will mourn for long warm showers, but you can have those on saturdays when your husband is home.
you will mourn, probably for a lot of things. and that is ok.
(i don't even know if i am spelling mourn correctly.)

i remember a conversation i had with another mom, when she first layed eyes on her baby, it was love a first sight, yes. however, there was an awkward feeling of 'this is my baby?'......like at the very first moment you are to fall in love and know everything about them and know how to take care of them and soothe them like a glass of red wine soothes my thursday nights........but truth is? it's scary. it's hard. and there are so many times you feel like you can't keep going, but you do. you keep going and you make it through. just know it is not easy.

you may not crave conversation as i do. but you need it, it's healthy.
so call me. tell me to come over, and please pour your heart out.

you don't have to pretend everything is fine. or act like you are fine. and keep all of your fears bottled up.

be prepared to be rocked.
be preapared to be shifted.
be prepared to cry.
be prepared to be confused.
be prepared to feel guilt.
be prepared to be sad.
but know that i'll listen.
know that so many others have experienced it too.
and know that you love your baby so much.
so much that you can't even put it into words.
don't feel bad for tears, guilt, or sadness.
those will not define you as a new mom.
those will not define your love for your child.
those will just be feelings for a short while.
what will last, is your child.
your love for them,
your relationship with them.
i will be there for you. a phone call away.
i will listen, i will hug.

our Father did not make us perfect mothers.
in fact, we can never achieve perfection in motherhood. ever.
because if we could? then our children wouldn't have a need for a perfect GOD.

when we are weak. HE is strong.

ladies, you will be weak. you will be exhausted.
but your love for your child will prevail.
you'll find your place.
you'll find peace.

but mostly? you'll need to lean on the Lord.
He will be your strong tower.

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. "
Proverbs 18.10

10 comments:

  1. awesome :) i'm not a mom, but i know this is important stuff that should be said!

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  2. oh, this is good. i mean real good. so many freakin feelings/emotions/and the list goes on when you have a babe. and it's hard to show&tell your REAL feeling because you might not look like your 'with it', at least that's how it was for me.

    next time you are in 'the ville' lets chat. like chat loooong time. :)
    xoxo

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  3. Thanks for your soul-bearing honesty Linds! (can I call you that, Linds?) Thanks too for being a part of my online "community". "It is not good for the man to be alone"-not gonna argue with that and I'm glad that you're brave enough to share.

    I LOVE to talk too and would LOVE to host sharing circles. You should think about hosting a mother's group, even if it's just once a month (or not). You'd be good at it though.

    I really appreciate what you've taken the time to say. Sometimes I worry about "needing to have it all figured out" esp. b/c I work with babies. I have a feeling I'll still be a very freaked out first time Mom. I mean, it's a HUGE deal. It's good to know I can have you to relate to.

    Keep on keepin' on sista!

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  4. awesome post! I know when we had our little visit when I was over a few months ago it felt so good being honest with you of all the emotions. We need to go out for coffee or some sort of snack sometime soon to chat as even though we are settling into our new normal and we are getting more sleep etc...there are still a lot of emotions of being a working momma, wife, friend etc... not enough hours in the day! Hope we can connect soon!

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  5. oh, lindsey. this is SO powerful. you can tell it's straight from your heart & i'm sure it will touch every single momma that reads it in a powerful way. you have a gift, my friend. a way with words. & a big heart to help others. LOVE that. LOVE you.

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  6. I know that you are going to bless others with your story. God always lets us go through trials, so we can encourage others for HIS kindgom and HIS glory. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. I am not a mom yet but I am going to be someday in the not too far future. This post is so heartfelt. I don't know what to expect out of having my own children yet but it's good to know that if I do have any of these thoughts or feelings, I won't be alone and that it's normal and that it will be OK. I know this post will help a lot of ladies who are going through these feelings right now. Your post was so sweet <3

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  8. hey Lindz! Someone close to me told me something that has stuck with me... not every day or anything.. im totally not perfect, but... he told me that this is a refining process. And how true is that??????? This whole parent thing is just part of God molding us into who we need to be.. refining us into hopefully people who are more like HIM!! Conficting for me for sure!! :) Love you!

    -Deanna

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  9. oh, I LOVE this. I love that you are going to write about this... and I just KNOW it's going to be a blessing to SO many in wonderful ways. I think empathy and a listening ear is something every single mother, especially new ones, needs, and I think YOU have a gift for both of those things. Truly. You're so open and honest, and that resounds with others. Thank for being willing to reach out and to share and to care. Can't wait to see how God blesses others through this, and can't wait to see how He blesses YOU. :)
    I really love you and your sweet heart.

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