the whopper.....

........am i ready for it?

when you're pregnant, there are the very obvious physical symptoms.
most of them you hear about years before you are even ready to be a mom.

but. you rarely hear about the emotional and psychological symptoms.
and i think those might have just as much, if not more, of an affect.

maybe becoming a counselor has caused me to over-analyze, over-think, and look deeply into most day to day situations. maybe that's whats going on.
whatever it is, i've been hit by the emotional/psychological pregnancy symptom truck.
its a big truck. and smack. it just t-boned me.

these aren't like mean wife/mean friend/mean coworker emotions.
no,
they are more like.......a sadness. a sadness that most people wouldn't see by looking at me.
i'm quite smiley and energetic these days, specially since my sickiness is gonzo :)

its inside, and its deep down.

i feel like i am mourning the end to the relationship that exists between mr leif and i.
i feel like what we have now, is going to be gone.
and it will come back.......when we are like 50, but it will be different. way different then now.

when you are with someone. just the two of you, for a long period of time, things get comfortable. and you begin to take that comfortableness for granted.

when we are lazy.

when we fall on the floor from laughter.

when we drive around for 30 minutes cuz we are bored and want to go scope out mansions that we will never own while stuffing our faces with ice cream.

when we watch naughty shows (ex:cougar town and kendra) and dont have to worry about little ears in the other room ;)

when we make fruit pizzas and eat them out of the pan.

heck, when we make any sort of dessert, and eat it straight out the pan. not even cutting rows.

when we make a list of the 39 things we need to do on a saturday, but then say 'screw it' and take naps and watch movies. even if the weather is nice for yard work. even if the house is a pit and screaming to be cleaned.

i just don't know if i am ready to say goodbye to those things.
i know. i know. all you amazing mothers out there are going to now think, and then say,
"oh, but when the baby comes you wouldn't have it any other way, its the most amazing feeling ever!!!"
and i know it will be. i don't doubt that one bit.
in fact, i am super de duper excited for it!!!!
but.
i haven't experienced it yet.
and because of this missing experience, im sad about losing what we have.

life is so weird, huh?
we go through stage after stage.
we think we are truly in the thick of it at 16 years old trying to study for a chemistry exam (oh wait, i didn't really do homework in high school, whoops) or at 18 when cramming for your first college final. or when you are trying to plan a wedding, or when you are going to interview for your first job. but those are all just practice for the big whoppers.
the big whoppers that come with being a mom.

my family is easy right now. its just mr. leif. and me.
in fact, its the easiest thing i do.
its not hard like school, not busy like work, not annoying like the guilt i feel when i don't work out.
to live as husband and wife is blissfully simple.
until the kid(s) come.

am i ready to experience minimal date nights?
hardly any time to talk, just me and him?
the simple ways of living on the fly, cuz there's no 'little life' that we are fully committed to?
stopping by tjmaxx for 10 minutes, but end up staying there for over an hour??

humph. i know its coming. and soon.

i'm trying to mentally and spiritually prepare.

its gonna be a whopper of change.

its gonna be the biggest whopper i've experience so far.

but.
until i am smacked in the face with the new life of a being a mom.
i'll soak up the fun stuff.
and i'll prepare for october.
and i'll pray.
that always helps too ;)