Saturday, December 18, 2010

when you pray the wrong prayer...

...nothing happens.

well actually, we aren't in charge of what happens anyways.
but, still, when you don't pray for the right thing, it doesn't happen.
does that even make sense?
oh, heck, it doesn't really even make sense to me.
so, i should probably just move on with this post...

lately, been praying for the wrong thing,
asking God to please make me a stay-at-home-mom, and ASAP.
although there have been a few options come across our all reality, i must finish the school year. i must return to school and complete the year. i enroll in my last semester of grad school, and complete my ineternship, so i can graduate in may. i must finish what i started. a sense of completion.
all the while, feeling as if i'm choosing the 450 students over my baby......
all the while, scheeming that i never want to go back to work again anways, so why finish my degree.....
all the while, wondering why i'll be paying someone else to smooch on my baby for 9 hours, 4 days a week, when that's my job.....
like i said, i've been praying the wrong prayer.

clearly, God has me in this place to finish the year. to finish my degree. to entrust my baby to two friends from church.
why am i praying for something else, when all i need to do is pray for the GRACE to enure the semester. and the clear eyes to see His plan for our family in the next year.

big things are brewing for us leif's :)
we are considering lots of different options in order that i can stay home with rome. (that rhymed. totally nice) as well as the other 3-4 kids we want to have. yep, it's gonna be a full house here folks. or maybe a full townhouse, or heck even an appartment for a while....we'll see what GOD has in store.
for now?
i'll just pray for the grace to get through the semester.
it's where HE has me.
it's in HIS plan. (not mine, but his.........just gotta remember that.)

anyways, did you know you could stare at a baby for hours upon hours?
you can.
i do it daily.

well, cheers to getting neck-deep in prayer.
i'm gonna need it.
grace to get through the next 5 months.
grace to get through the first week back.
grace to be able to drop my baby off and go to work the first day.
grace for one day at a time.
if only grace was on sale at costco, i'd buy me a bulk pack for sure.

isn't he cute?
i know, every mother is biased of their own offspring.
but, no one said you can't publicly proclaim your addoration of them.

and because i'm still obsessed with the first song on my music player:

some of my favorite lyrics....

"though hast not left me, though i oft left thee..."
"i need thy presence, every passing hour..."
"what but thy grace, can foil the tempter's power..."
"through cloud and sunshine, abide with me..."
"shine through the gloom, point me to the skies..."

abide with me.


  1. lindsey! This touched my heart! I will be praying for you these next couple weeks, praying that the strength and energy are there for you to do what you need to do... God did put you in this place, at this exact time for a reason. I know that same heart break for being away from this little one that you love sooo much!! It will make you stronger, but I do ache for you and your heart!! Keep following God, seeking his will, and I will be praying for you and your fam through this transition!! Love you!!
    -Deanna :)

    p.s-- you guys have a merry christmas!! :)

  2. oh, linds. this post got me all chocked up. i can only imagine what you're facing with going back to work. ill be praying for that grace too. grace to finish what God's put before you. & incredible peace to follow. you can do it! where you are weak, HE is strong! love you!

  3. and p.s. i don't think it's the wrong prayer at all. its the desire of your heart to stay at home with roman. and God will answer that in HIS time :) keep praying! xoxo

  4. love this linds. you're amazing. keep up the prayers. will be praying for you too. cant imagine how hard that will be to leave him BUT i know that you can do it if it's what God has in store for you now because He will give you the strength :) and when His plan unfolds further, i pray pray pray that it lines up with your hearts desire :) excited for you sister

  5. I don't think you are praying the wrong prayer either! You want the best for your son and so does God!!! Trust Him to work out the details in His time!! You are a wonderful mama!!

  6. I was gonna say exactly what MJ said. You are an amazing mama and I pray that you get the desire of your heart to stay home with Roman. I know that we have trials and this will be a trial for you. But nothing is impossible for God. Hang in there!