stars of glory

so, i listen to "stars of glory" about 10 times a day.

at least.

because, when i discovered the lowerlights christmas album a couple months ago,

it found a comfy spot in my itunes, immediately.

needless to say, when i stumbled upon this version {the one in the video below}, live?

my heart was glad.

do you want a happy heart too?

then listen ;)

but first pause my music player, down a bit & to the right of your screen!

and for your resonating pleasure:

Stars of glory shine more brightly,
Purer be the moonlight's beam,
Glide ye hours and moments lightly,
Swiftly down time's deep'ning stream.
Bring the hour that banished sadness,
Brought redemption down to earth,
When the shepherds heard with gladness
Tidings of a Saviour's birth.

See the shepherds quickly rising,
Hast'ning to the humble stall,
And the newborn Infant prizing,
As the mighty Lord of All.
Lowly now they bend before him
In His helpless infant state.
Firmly faithful we adore Him,
And His greatness celebrate.

See how Mary loves her Boychild
In the light of Bethlehem.
Lowly ox and ass breathe warmly
On the little Lord of All.
Now the world is hushed in stillness,
In the joy of knowing God is near!
Hope and love have come to dwell here,
Driving out the night of fear.

Hark! The swell of heav'nly voices
Peals along the vaulted sky.
Angels sing while earth rejoices,
"Glory to our God on high!
Glory in the highest heaven.
Peace to lowly ones on earth.
Joy to these and bliss be given
In the great Redeemer's birth."

the storm before the calm?

that's how i feel right now.
i knew this would happen.
i knew i would end up in this 'place'
my life feels like a storm right now.
and i get myself in these situations all the time........i WORK HARD at trying to slow my life down. it literally becomes WORK.

no, i don't think it was a wrong time to launch my new stella and dot business. in fact, i think the time was perfect. i need to get it off and going so that when summer comes and my only responsibilty is little romes, i will be in full force with stella and dot. i want to be comfortable with it by summer time. i want to have it be a normal part of my life by then, so i can fully enjoy my summer with romes, and won't need to be learning the ropes to this new thing. i'll already have it under my belt.

but problem?
i'm still working.
and still going to school every wednesday night.
and still trying to pump and nurse.
and still trying to be a wife.
and still trying to figure out this whole mom gig.
and still trying to travel and visit family.

so, i'm looking at this as my storm before the calm.

most days i'm pumped with adrenaline, to dominate the day.
but a few times i feel defeated before i even get out of bed.

roman looks up and begins giggling after our 5:30am nursing time. and i shiver at the thought of setting him down so i can get ready to go to work. but i suck it up. and i do it. moms are strong. wow, we are.
then, i begin thinking..........is this really my storm before the calm? or is this my life. is this just how life is? barely stop to catch your breath before you go again?
regardless if i'm working or not.
regardless if i have one child or 5.
will life always be so challenging?

last week, mr leif and i started laughing in the kitchen as i said, "wow, the responsibilities in life never stop, huh! we just won't ever get a break or a timeout from here on out!"
life can be such a heavy burden on our shoulders.
IF we let it.

why do we let it?
or maybe its just me. why do i let it?
i close my heart off. i don't go to HIM for help. i don't accept his grace in the areas of my life that i need it so bad.

the beautiful thing about our FATHER, is that he wants to carry our burdens for us.
psalm 55.22 - Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you.

i typically don't have the tendency to be a 'downer'
i typically am quite the happy, smiley, goofy, full of energy girl.......
but it seems as if, in this season, i've let things get the best of me.
busy-ness and worry.

i don't know what it is about music. but it gets to me. every time.
i can be in the biggest funk and then a good song comes on and i completely do a 180.
that's what happened the other morning.
this song came on.
and, when i found it on youtube, i fell in love with this version.
each verse i read seemed to JUMP OUT and GRAB my heart.
saying, "hello, lindsey? you'll be fine. I AM here for you, quit freaking out. quit trying to handle life on your own. turn it over to ME"
a breath of fresh air.


so.
i didn't want this post to come off as a complaint.
but i wanted to share. because i know so many of us can feel so burdened by the busy-ness of life. we let whatever season we are in overwhelm us to the max. leaving us tired, worried, and confused.

i want you to know there is SO much rest in HIM.
his grace is SO sufficient.
and songs like those can just re-vamp me.
making me feel confident because HE is with me EVERY step of the way.
at work.
at home.
in the middle of the night.
when i'm tired. annoyed. overwhelmed. and ready to throw the towel in :)
to stop, and slow down, and be still in the lord, can be difficult.
we get ourselves so consumed with over-committing.
i over-committ because i want to please others. i want to make sure i am meeting the needs of those around me. but really, its so unhealthy. my family suffers. my job suffers. my relationships suffer.
however. i'm trying to train myself to slow down.
sounds weird, i know.
but.........the other morning. a rare thing happened.
as i was looking up from feeding romes, i saw the sunrise.
and it was beautiful.
i don't remember the last sunrise i've seen...living in the city doesn't quite promote it.
but it was there, peeking around our neighbor's house. and bright pink.
it made me stop. think. and reflect on my day. HIS beauty is everywhere, reminding me anytime, anywhere that his grace is sufficient. one day at a time. i just have to look. i can't put my blinders on.
it's all around us.
we just have to stop and see it.

so.
here's to being refreshed and ready.
here's to smiling. laughing. and being lighthearted in the midst of crazy.
here's to the storm. praying it brings calm :)

when you pray the wrong prayer...

...nothing happens.

well actually, we aren't in charge of what happens anyways.
but, still, when you don't pray for the right thing, it doesn't happen.
does that even make sense?
oh, heck, it doesn't really even make sense to me.
so, i should probably just move on with this post...

lately, been praying for the wrong thing,
asking God to please make me a stay-at-home-mom, and ASAP.
although there have been a few options come across our minds...in all reality, i must finish the school year. i must return to school and complete the year. i enroll in my last semester of grad school, and complete my ineternship, so i can graduate in may. i must finish what i started. a sense of completion.
all the while, feeling as if i'm choosing the 450 students over my baby......
all the while, scheeming that i never want to go back to work again anways, so why finish my degree.....
all the while, wondering why i'll be paying someone else to smooch on my baby for 9 hours, 4 days a week, when that's my job.....
but?
like i said, i've been praying the wrong prayer.

clearly, God has me in this place to finish the year. to finish my degree. to entrust my baby to two friends from church.
why am i praying for something else, when all i need to do is pray for the GRACE to enure the semester. and the clear eyes to see His plan for our family in the next year.

big things are brewing for us leif's :)
we are considering lots of different options in order that i can stay home with rome. (that rhymed. totally nice) as well as the other 3-4 kids we want to have. yep, it's gonna be a full house here folks. or maybe a full townhouse, or heck even an appartment for a while....we'll see what GOD has in store.
and,
for now?
i'll just pray for the grace to get through the semester.
it's where HE has me.
it's in HIS plan. (not mine, but his.........just gotta remember that.)

anyways, did you know you could stare at a baby for hours upon hours?
yep.
you can.
i do it daily.

well, cheers to getting neck-deep in prayer.
i'm gonna need it.
grace to get through the next 5 months.
grace to get through the first week back.
grace to be able to drop my baby off and go to work the first day.
grace for one day at a time.
if only grace was on sale at costco, i'd buy me a bulk pack for sure.

isn't he cute?
i know, every mother is biased of their own offspring.
but, no one said you can't publicly proclaim your addoration of them.

and because i'm still obsessed with the first song on my music player:

some of my favorite lyrics....

"though hast not left me, though i oft left thee..."
"i need thy presence, every passing hour..."
"what but thy grace, can foil the tempter's power..."
"through cloud and sunshine, abide with me..."
"shine through the gloom, point me to the skies..."

abide with me.

isn't music the greatest?

for me, it speaks straight to my heart.

makes me laugh, cry, and even occasionally, it tempts me to drop it like its hot.

BAM! shake it.

well, unfortunate for us, we have one cd player...in our whole house.

and it's broken. major sad face?? :(

i have a few christmas cd's that i love to play, you know, during this time of year.......and bummer dude. can't play'em.

and, i haven't taken the time to upload my music player in ages..........

and, long story short - i don't have itunes or any other downloading device......

SO the grateful part? (come on now, i had to set the stage........)

oh yes.........

today, december 3, 2010, i'm grateful for:

1. molly's music player. it's always been my fave. and now she's supplyin me (and you!) with the bestest christmas selection ev's.

2. roman's love of music. it's true, he loves it. matter of fact, i think he heard it so much in the womb (i'm a bit of a music addict) that he feels 'at home' as soon as i turn some tunes on. another kudos to molly? well yes, he fell asleep about 5 minutes ago listening to her snowy collection :)
3. this. below. this amazing flash mob. i just LOVE flash mobs. don't you? and my friend colette was in oprah's flash mob earlier this year with the blackeyedpeas. she's cool like that. this one is so cool though. cuz it's one of my favorite songs, evah.

oh dear. here's another!

special thanks to bethany. she told us all about the macy's one last night at wine club. and CHEERS to my return at wine club. oh it was good to be back. so good :)

sitting here in my...

...bra and undies.

because i just came in from soakin up the sun on my deck.
because i needed to study and finally had a somewhat clear mind to do so.
(unfortunately its the day before the test)
(unfortunately this is the first time i've had a clear mind in 2 weeks)
(so, subsequently, the first time i've 'really' studied)

oh the bra and undies?

well, to put a positive twist on things..........

it's GREAT that it would cost $4000 to do a proper tree trimming

in our backyard. so we are keepin the trees bushy. realllll bushy!

it's GREAT that i can lay out on my deck. in bra and undies.
.........because i dont feel like pouring myself into a swim suit
(no, no, no, i dont have a maternity one yet. ugh)

the view from my deck. like 4 seconds ago.

so.
while i was out on my deck. bra n' undies style, studyin.
i thought.
hmmmmm
how will i explain our dr. appointment today.

mr leif and i had a quick lunch together after it to which i asked him that same question.
"how should i tell people, this is really confusing, even to us?"
"how will i even explain it?"

so we talked about it a bit.

and here is my best shot and putting confused thoughts into words
(something that normally is quite easy for me, and now...isn't)

today eased our minds.
the perinatologists was quite blunt
and he called our baby 'the kid'
but other then that, we left feeling better instead of worse

through this pregnancy, we have definitely found out quickly that in the medical field, there are many, many times when they just can't give you a guarantee.
but rather
it's a waiting game. it's a statistic.
you know......there is always that "1 in ____ chance."

so with our little babe.
there is infact, a 1 in something chance that there will be some
abnormalities.
(i hate that word by the way)

but we aren't even going to discuss nor dwell on the the chance. the statistic.

because life isn't about statistics.
its about WHO has it all planned out, already.

there really are no chances, cuz He knows, and thank goodness.

i've come to the conclusion, already, that mr leif and i
would be perfect parents to a baby with downs.
with his compassion, selflessness, and ability to care for others
and my passion, energy, and eagerness to learn
we would make the perfect team.

if that is what God has in store for us?
then we will work to glorifiy him through that journey.
if not?
we will rejoice in the fact that we didn't spend the rest of our pregnancy worrying.
but, that we were ready to embrace what God had planned.

and, so many MANY people notice things on their scans, and so many, MANY times it turns up to be nothin! so we aren't too worried :)

i feel quite free right now. not to say that won't change or i won't get a bit whimpy.
but for now. i'm good.
we're good.

and besides........ i think we are "in for it", regardless.
because the doc said over and OVER again how the baby is
"so quick! and so agile!"
(and thats exactly what the lady said 2 weeks ago.)
so
i better get me some new tennies......looks like this one is comin out runnin!!!

can't wait to meet my quick, little yoga baby!!

and ps.
the perfect song came on the radio after our appointent.....
the lyrics were:
"every knee will bow, every tongue confess........."

mr leif and i got all giddy just thinkin about that day.
how mini mr leif will be bowin too, right there next to us
and so will our other 5 kids.
(mr leif wants 6)
(i haven't quite decided if im jumpin on that band waggon.......)

i guess my blog is a.......

.........twitter today.
this is my 3rd post today.

because i'm at work, sittin in my new office.
yep. i said NEW
i moved into a new room this week!

im SOOOOOOOO pumped to have a LARGE office next year.

now i will have tons of room for small groups next year!!!
and have tons of room for play therapy supplies!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways.
im all moved in and its thundering and raining
and its soothing.
so.
i guess i will write another blog.
because the teachers are gone
and
i already spoke with my sister and both mom(s).

so hello again.

i've been going through some old drawers at school today.
and found this cd.
oh my oh my oh my

it brought back the BEST MEMORIES of my first year of teaching.

me and the kids' favorite one was "three little birds"

and so i put it on my playlist.

listen to it! its number 1 on the list.

and then imagine how much fun we had dancing around the room together!!!!!!!!!!

(also, wen mr leif and i were in jamaica for our honeymoon, their motto was totally 'evryting iz gonna be alright mon'. which is totally the lyrics to this song. so every time i heard this song i thought of our honeymoon and how it was truly the best EVER. and i would laugh at how many cocktails mr leif and i consumed while laying on the beach and partying it up like it was 1969.......and then i would get all giddy and goosebumpy and really go crazy with the kids! they probably thought i was a nut....... oh well. we had fun)

children are beautiful people.