the storm before the calm?

that's how i feel right now.
i knew this would happen.
i knew i would end up in this 'place'
my life feels like a storm right now.
and i get myself in these situations all the time........i WORK HARD at trying to slow my life down. it literally becomes WORK.

no, i don't think it was a wrong time to launch my new stella and dot business. in fact, i think the time was perfect. i need to get it off and going so that when summer comes and my only responsibilty is little romes, i will be in full force with stella and dot. i want to be comfortable with it by summer time. i want to have it be a normal part of my life by then, so i can fully enjoy my summer with romes, and won't need to be learning the ropes to this new thing. i'll already have it under my belt.

but problem?
i'm still working.
and still going to school every wednesday night.
and still trying to pump and nurse.
and still trying to be a wife.
and still trying to figure out this whole mom gig.
and still trying to travel and visit family.

so, i'm looking at this as my storm before the calm.

most days i'm pumped with adrenaline, to dominate the day.
but a few times i feel defeated before i even get out of bed.

roman looks up and begins giggling after our 5:30am nursing time. and i shiver at the thought of setting him down so i can get ready to go to work. but i suck it up. and i do it. moms are strong. wow, we are.
then, i begin thinking..........is this really my storm before the calm? or is this my life. is this just how life is? barely stop to catch your breath before you go again?
regardless if i'm working or not.
regardless if i have one child or 5.
will life always be so challenging?

last week, mr leif and i started laughing in the kitchen as i said, "wow, the responsibilities in life never stop, huh! we just won't ever get a break or a timeout from here on out!"
life can be such a heavy burden on our shoulders.
IF we let it.

why do we let it?
or maybe its just me. why do i let it?
i close my heart off. i don't go to HIM for help. i don't accept his grace in the areas of my life that i need it so bad.

the beautiful thing about our FATHER, is that he wants to carry our burdens for us.
psalm 55.22 - Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you.

i typically don't have the tendency to be a 'downer'
i typically am quite the happy, smiley, goofy, full of energy girl.......
but it seems as if, in this season, i've let things get the best of me.
busy-ness and worry.

i don't know what it is about music. but it gets to me. every time.
i can be in the biggest funk and then a good song comes on and i completely do a 180.
that's what happened the other morning.
this song came on.
and, when i found it on youtube, i fell in love with this version.
each verse i read seemed to JUMP OUT and GRAB my heart.
saying, "hello, lindsey? you'll be fine. I AM here for you, quit freaking out. quit trying to handle life on your own. turn it over to ME"
a breath of fresh air.


so.
i didn't want this post to come off as a complaint.
but i wanted to share. because i know so many of us can feel so burdened by the busy-ness of life. we let whatever season we are in overwhelm us to the max. leaving us tired, worried, and confused.

i want you to know there is SO much rest in HIM.
his grace is SO sufficient.
and songs like those can just re-vamp me.
making me feel confident because HE is with me EVERY step of the way.
at work.
at home.
in the middle of the night.
when i'm tired. annoyed. overwhelmed. and ready to throw the towel in :)
to stop, and slow down, and be still in the lord, can be difficult.
we get ourselves so consumed with over-committing.
i over-committ because i want to please others. i want to make sure i am meeting the needs of those around me. but really, its so unhealthy. my family suffers. my job suffers. my relationships suffer.
however. i'm trying to train myself to slow down.
sounds weird, i know.
but.........the other morning. a rare thing happened.
as i was looking up from feeding romes, i saw the sunrise.
and it was beautiful.
i don't remember the last sunrise i've seen...living in the city doesn't quite promote it.
but it was there, peeking around our neighbor's house. and bright pink.
it made me stop. think. and reflect on my day. HIS beauty is everywhere, reminding me anytime, anywhere that his grace is sufficient. one day at a time. i just have to look. i can't put my blinders on.
it's all around us.
we just have to stop and see it.

so.
here's to being refreshed and ready.
here's to smiling. laughing. and being lighthearted in the midst of crazy.
here's to the storm. praying it brings calm :)