a toddler and his bottle? {and a bit about the blog}

roman is almost 17 months old.

and, i still give him his milk before naptimes and bedtime in a bottle.

i know, i know.

what about all of those things people say that make it wrong for a toddler to still be drinking from a bottle?

i don't know, what about them.

i can't help it.

what do you see when you look at this picture?

i don't know about you, but i see a baby. and yes, i AM trying to keep him a baby for as long as i can. {wink!} but really, motherhood is such a phenomenal experience. and when i'm rocking him while he drinks his milkies, i typically find myself reflecting on the crazy amount of love i feel for him. and i'm in awe at how it continues to grow every single day. with children, come sleepless nights, sick babies, stretch marks, bad hair days, complete and utter selflessness, the difficulties of parenting, guilt, tantrums, missed events, worry, and crumbs on the floor. but, then there is this most amazing rush of warm tingly lovely feelings that encompasses your entire body, every. single. day. there's this feeling of love you can't explain, you can't put into words. it's knowing you'd give your life for this little person. it's that extra snuggle that makes you happier than an empty closet with $10,000 from jcrew to fill it. seriously. there's all these little moments....... i'm brought to tears of joy, DAILY. i catch myself just watching him play, for minutes upon minutes. i could watch him sleep for hours. my heart wells up the size of kim kardashian's you know what when i see him interact with his daddy. it's nights that we stay home, and put our jammies on early, and do family snuggles. it's mornings, that we wake up before romy, and sneak in and watch him slowly wake up. it's afternoons, that i find him in his crib after his nap and he's making the loudest truck noises he possibly can, followed by laughter. seriously. it's amaze. with that said, i've been thinking about the purpose of this blog. surprise? i've been trying to nail down a specific intent in writing this blog, probably since i began writing it almost 3 years ago. but i realize it now. i write to remember. i write to share. i write to laugh. i write to ask for help. i write to spread the light. HIS light. i write as an outlet. i write for so many different reasons, and i love each one of them. i hope to remember our day to days as our family continues to grow. i hope to help other mommas feel like they aren't the only ones feeling {you fill in the blank} i hope to be transparent, showing that life isn't perfect, but that's where JESUS comes in. i hope to honor the Lord with my words, whether they're silly, serious, happy, or sad. i'm being real, and i'm enjoying it.

we are capable.

after mr leif spent a week working in wichita......

our dear friends, mitch and carrie - the newlyweds, came to visit for the weekend.

and obviously, we had a blast.

gojo's is now becoming "our spot"

dance parties in the living room, will be "our thing"

and i guess we'll add

"smacking bees" to the list now too........

yikes....major flash cell phone pic.

we even took the romester shopping....but mr leif wouldn't let him get these new kicks.

"pleeeeeeease dad?!?!"

"no, son"

jk. but really.....i'm not too into these anyways, we just thought we'd try them on for kicks and giggles.

more like kicks, roman tried his very best to kick them off.

no mi gusta shoes.

and then, it was with very scary abrupt news we found out the my little (yet bigger and taller than me) brother was headed to the hospital in an ambulance.......straight from his rugby game.

roman and i hoped into the car with mitch and carrie, they were headed home to lincoln on sunday, so we joined them, as that is where my brother was.........

we gave uncle donavan lots of love, after his surgery.....

turns out, his cheek bone was crushed, and was now replaced with a metal plate.

which is rather good news compared to the types of injury we thought he had at first.....

donavan doesn't even remember holding roman....hmmmm...meds.

but with our impromptu trip home,

came a lovely visit with cousin charlotte.

and we also got to work on our toddler anxiety :)

thanks for the jamiaca tank, aunt liza!

and soon enough we were headed back to KC....
but, it was just in time to see daddy off on his 7 day fishing trip to canada!!!

no no little roman, that's mommy's wine :)

our {third week} without daddy started off great. we made it to church only ten minutes late. roman did fabulous in the nursery. and sunday night, my little man took me on a date to noodles and company yep, that's right, we shared some mac and cheese on the plaza, gazing into the windows of my favorite place. then momma stopped off to rent a few chick flicks.....and soak up some last minute "stay at home mom" time with my son. because, this week, i was back to work. this week, we would start a new babysitter coming into our home. and this week mr leif was gone (oh i already mentioned that) i was very nervous for. so many new things, changes, without daddy around. so the week began 'ok', as good as it can having to return to work and leave my baby, sniff. sniff. but all too quickly a tree landed on our house in the middle of the day. broad sunlight folks. BAM! crash. boom. i thought a car drove into our house. nope. a tree. so i got to play phone tag with insurance companies :)

and then later in the week, my car got smacked in the parking lot of trader joes.

well, smack me silly, it was a crazy week!

more insurance phone tag. lucky me :)

but i'll end this on an ever so good note:

pudgy legs stuffed into cute little grey toms.

(and daddy's home! safe and sound!!!)

totally delicious.

i'm giving myself life homework.

but before i begin, thank you for the comments, messages, and texts (even from cali-forn-IA, wink*)........and like molly mentioned, whats up with da funks? i'm not sure. but, we're called to bear each other's burdens, and you've helped me by listening, praying, and validating that i'm not the only crazy lady in this world. :)
well, yesterday i wokeded up feeling great. the Lord filled me with peace while i slept.
even though the day was long, and i didn't seem my romeo until 9pm, i made it through..........even if it meant pumping while driving to my night class and then having a brief freak out moment when i realized i was sitting next to a semi truck at a stop light. but, that's where i am in life right now. balancing lot's of stuff.

i've come to the conclusion, that i hit a low, really low, and now it's time to crawl back sanity again. crawl back to a place where i feel competent. a place where i can breathe. a place where i can cross things off my to-do list like no other.

strangely, dumping out those thoughts was therapeutic. however, once i reread the post, i was a bit embarassed, and wanted to delete it. but no. it's me. it's real. it's where i am/was/still am...........

anyways, please join me in celebrating the good things in life :)
i do best with plans, tasks, and lists................ so i'm giving myself homework. tonight.

this just looks yummy. it has nothing to do with this post.

homework:
I can't take another step in this game of life without complete surrender. i'm at a point where i don't feel like i will make it through the semester. so, Prayer. like, really long prayer. on-my-knees prayer.
In thankfulness for my cozy little home, i will tidy up - not crazy, but just enough to calm my 'ick, i don't like a messy house' heart
to break free from my down in the dumps thinking, i will Write down 10 things that i am happy about. scratch that...... i will paint them onto a canvas. and i will hang it in my home.
Listen to some good music, duh.
i'll write 5 random thankyou notes to friends who might need a pick me up or just a hello.

PS. roman's babysitter is sick today. gotta call just before 6am. when it rains it pours, ey? mr leif is playing daddy daycare, hehehehe!

PSS. i was wiggled.

i think this whole blog world...

...is making moms happier and healthier.


you might be thinking........you're not even really a mom yet, so why are you making such a statement, lindsey?

well. something i've noticed in the 'blogworld' is that people tend to open up and share their day, whether its through pictures, words, videos, or all three together :) but regardless, they are sharing. and the most important part is that they are sharing the good and the bad. one post might be a 'hallelujah, we just had a fabulous family vaca.....' and then the next one is more of a 'holy cow, our schedules are a mess, i'm never taking a family vaca again, there's too much laundry and we are all now sleep deprived.......' you get the idea? regardless...... if its about family vaca's, issues in the kitchen, struggling with body image, etc...... again - my point is that women are opening up, more than ever. and its great.

prior to the blog world, the phone might have been picked up to quickly phone a friend, so we could hash out our day - to vent to one another. but NOW we can blog about it......... and instead of just the one person on the other end of the phone saying, 'i'm sorry'......... 'im praying'.......... 'here's what i've tried'........now, you get many.

now, no one likes to read a blog that is all about struggling, negativity, and barely surviving ALL of the time......... but go on, admit it, when you read of someone else struggling, or someone else wondering how to handle a certain situation, or someone else finally having success in an area you are about to throw the towel in........that you GET ENCOURAGED??!!
i do :)

and i think the best part of blogging helping women to be emotionally healthy, is when you get the chance to comment on someone's thoughts. to let them know you are praying, you are proud, those comments solidify their hesitations in sharing their struggles.

so i'm excited.
i'm excited to continue blogging into this treck of motherhood that i'm about to embark on. and y'all know i don't have a problem with sharing the good, bad, and the ugly..........so buckle up. i'm assuming this blog will take a bit of a rollercoaster ride, just as my hormones will be :)
but that's ok.

as those who blog know, when you write....ehem, type, its sort of theraputic. and when you read of others in your same situation, its comforting. and while at times you are hesitant to share something with the blog world, there is always a comment to help assure you - someone is praying. someone understands. or perhaps someone even might have advice........

as i reflect back on this past year, having my mr leif gone from august through april, getting pregnant, and now preparing for a baby.......i realize the comfort and support i've received through blogging. weird for some to understand. but start a blog, and you'll get it:)

cheers to blogging.
and cheers to women, being able to open up.
and cheers to friendships being created, Godly friendships, friendships that have allowed you to find yourself often praying for someone you haven't 'actually even met' yet :)