wedding what?

here's a sneak peek on where i was for the last 6 days.....

oh, he spit up again.

do you have a spitty baby?

i do.

it's gotten way better as of late....

however,

we were playing today and all of the sudden i noticed he had spit on his pants and wrist....oh great.

i had to do the ole' crawl around the room on my hands and knees feeling around the carpet for the "spot".

found it.

cleaned it.

i'll be ready when this phase is over.

me no like babyspitup.

huh, uh.

roman, getting cleaned up after painting his father's day masterpiece.

losing track of time.

i'm apologizing now.

it's summertime.

last night i told mr leif that sometimes i forget what day it is.

because i don't have a care in the world.

just me and the babe. kickin' it throughout the day. waiting for daddy to get home at night.

i do check my calendar.......to see if we have a playmate scheduled or to see if it is TODDLE TIME day.

but mostly?

i don't really know.

it's carefree.

and i love it.

so, this is a quick apology.

if i am missing a birthday, anniversary, or other significant date.

i'm sorry.

i'm busy being mindless :)

oh, and also trying to teach the little dude how to drink from a sippy.

as you can see,

i have my work cutout for me.

all figured out?

as with any new job, the first day is an adjustment.

when we got back home from denver, a couple weeks ago, i had my first official day of summer as a "stay at home mom".

all day, all night, all the next day, and the next day and the next day, etc... would be spent with my baby.

feed him, change him, play with him, put him down for a nap, repeat. repeat. repeat.

there would be no break, other then when mr leif came home from work and would play with little romes while i finished dinner.

dinner? say what??!

yes, i began cooking.

and cleaning!

and doing laundry regularly!

i took on the life of a wife and mom to the fullest.

non stop, i charged ahead.

i kept waiting for the moment i would think, "ugh. that work thing wasn't so bad. it gave me a break from the little romester. and time away from the house".....

it never came.

it hasn't come.

i know there will be plenty of days for the next month of my summer break where i will be "done!" and when i will wish i could pass the child off to someone else for just a bit.

but for now?

i'm embracing this life.

but as i mentioned in the beginning, there is adjustment.

just two weeks ago, roman was refusing to eat baby food.

however, i had to keep trying......

so, it was put him in his seat, get out some baby food or mash up my own, roman stares at it, and even smiles, then i try to feed him, and it's immediate press the lips together and arch the back. i tried airplanes.

i tried weird noises.

i tried crazy dance moves.

i tried all three together.

nothin.

what?! oh no!!!?

it hit me very quickly, "I have to do this 3 times a day. every day. forever...??!!!!!!!!"

then next, it was get him out of the seat, wash him up. wash the seat. wash the table. wash the spoon. clean up the food.......just so i can do it again in another couple of hours??? and there was NO achievement. no satisfaction. no, "my baby ate well!" feeling.

all that for defeat and frustration?

why did i say i wanted four kids again?

but the next day came, and then the next day.

and then i began trying this new way of meal time for roman, and i found some success.

ahhhhh......that's better.

i'm getting my groove on with this whole motherhood thing.

last night, when we put roman in his little seat for dinner, mr leif asked what he was going to eat tonight? (our dinner, tilapia, was a seasoned with non-kid friendly ingredients) and....

waaaa-laaaa! guess who pulled out an already prepared meal for roman???

boo-yaaa.

me.

while he took his afternoon nap, i prepared his dinner plate.

convenience.

now, i am not trying to give myself 36 gold stars.

however, i found some success.

success amongst lots of frustration and failure.

i know that this success is just temporary though, as with any "good thing" here on earth.

it lasts for a bit, and then the newness wears off, it begins to wear out, and we no longer revel in what we once thought was so good.

roman is already sick of his toys. each morning we bust out the two tubs of toys and it all goes great. then by lunchtime. he could care less about them.

so we get out the kitchen stuff. those, too, only last for a little while.

so it's off to the park, or the pool, or target, or hobby lobby.

we do what we can.

this morning he threw a fit during breakfast and refused to eat what he had just previously snarfed down the day before.

but i know success will come again.

going through the little trials, helps me. i know there is always light at the end.

when he had a fever, i knew he would eventually recover.

when he refused to eat breakfast, i knew we would try again at lunch.

when he was screaming in his crib, i knew his needs were met (fed, changed, burped) and he would eventually find his sleep.

during the midst of the crazy times, it's hard to think clearly.

what mom can make a calm decision when her children are screaming?!

but it happens.

we follow our instinct and before we know it, they're munching on that banana again.

the one they just threw across the room in a fit of despair.

the lord couldn't use a better tool then motherhood to refine women.

i know i won't have constant success with mothering, if i did, how would i learn?

i know things won't go easy, if they did, how would i rely on Him then?

i know there will be mistakes and failures, if there weren't, how would i reach out in prayer?

earlier, roman fell and bumped his mouth.

maybe he's teething again, but it's been a rough morning, all. morning. long.

i swiped him up, and when he wouldn't cuddle, drink a bottle, or be calmed in any other way,

i stopped. and prayed.

lord, please give me the patience and grace to get through this day. and dear jesus, please give roman some peace.

i am predicting many more prayers, just like that, for the next 25 years....and beyond.

having children throws you at the frontlines of a battlefield.

i suppose i should put my armor on.

but dang.

isn't he cute?

:)

cheers to a better afternoon!

i'm off to go make roman some lunch while he naps!

then it's off to switch the laundry and mop the floor!

quick now! i only have so much time!!!

baby roman's birth VIDEO!!!!!!!

well, my sweet family and friends, here it is.........8 months and 1 day later :)

truth is, i've been saving for over 2 years to buy a mac.

and a couple weeks ago, mr. leif, romes, and i trekked down to the apple store on the plaza and made the purchase.

this week, i settled down into the couch on two separate evenings, to create this video.... t's something i had been dreaming of creating since i was pregnant with the little romester.

but now that the video is made.......mr leif is constantly asking if we can have another baby.

oh, dear.

enjoy :)

welcome to the world, baby roman. from lindseyleif on Vimeo.

a recap.

considering, i never got around to posting a 7 month update on my little roman, i thought i would do a brief recap on our month in a few pictures :)

while i spent most of our mornings with the curtains open, so the bright and beautiful sun could radiate through the windows and i could soak up this cherished time with my baby, roman played hard....going from one toy to the next, examining them, and crashing them together. all boy.

but his intention for most of his 7 month, was to crawl.

he spent so much time rocking back and forth, and nose diving, to finally reach his goal.

and he has quite the cute crawl, if i do say so myself!

i also got my dress-up fix in, while the little romonster mastered his sitting up skills.

i now feel confidently to leave the room with you sitting my dear son, knowing you won't do a back slam against the floor!

and peek-A-BOO! we finally lowered the crib. yes, although it should have been done weeks prior, i held onto the ittybitty baby somewhere deep inside of you and kept your crib up high. i believe it helped me keep that slightest bit of "infant" in you left. although it was dangerous vs. adorable, i loved seeing you peek above the crib.......but dangerous won. we lowered it for your safety :)

of course, we spent countless moments in our bed. while some of those moments were peaceful, calm, and snuggly while i nursed you, many other of those moments were wild, crazy, and giggly while i tackled you and tickled you until you would give me your belly laugh. it's a good one.

in our toast to summer, we busted out the new pool and you once again became my pride and joy as you exclaimed your love for water (and laying out in the sun, yes!) by splashing and laughing uncontrollably. my pool sidekick for life. i think so!

your adoration for your little baseball game/toy/thingy continued to blossom. now you love to bite on the baseball, and push all the buttons intentionally! sometimes though, you exercise your manhood, and pick up the whole contraption and throw it off to the side as you charge to the next toy. you's a tough one romes, you're gonna blast through that weight room someday.....i just know it :) biceps, triceps, hammies, oh boy!

and of course, we very politely said, "screw the pureed baby food" bring on the solid little chunks. and you went to town.

after a beautiful masterpiece of food-gone-everywhere.....you looked to me for approval. well done, my son, well done!!

and of course, our cherished evenings with daddy. priceless.

and today? your eight month birthday.

happy eight months to you my little one.

oh, baby food, why must you be so...

...unappealing to my son?

he could have fooled us from the start.

remember these photos from a couple months back?

mmmm, lovin that cereal up! (or so we thought....a few days later he went on strike.)

matter of fact, it's been a slow and painful downward spiral when it comes to getting him to eat baby food, he refuses.............and enjoying the baby food? rarely.

a couple months ago, we knew it was time to start feeding him something other than milk, because of his interest in us, while we were eating.

he would watch us in awe of the process, bringing food up to our mouths, and then chewing.

actually, chewing food in front of him would most likely bring upon a giggle or two from little romester :)

he threw up rice cereal. a lot.

so we switched to oatmeal with bananas. he ate that, but definitely not with a smile on his face.

we began trying other random fruit and veggie baby foods......all were unsuccessful.

the kind? gerber. from the grocery store. nothing fancy, folks!

this past week, eating has moved from difficult to becoming such a painful and frustrating process.

he presses his lips together and arches his back even when i try the most distracting and sneaky maneuvers to slip a bite of veggies or fruit into his little mouth.

and when i am successful?

he fake gags and coughs, and lets it slide right now.

most of the time, our biggest battle is trying to prevent him from grabbing the spoon andflinging the food all over.

then it hit me.

BAM!

HE wants the spoon.

HE wants to feed himself??? maybe???

he loved to grab at whatever I was eating, but disguised the pureed crap from the container or that i would mash up on my own.

genius baby himself, wants to do this food thang on his own.

well, ok then!

i did some research online and learned about baby led weaning.

so roman, you win.
even though you only have two little teeth poking through on the bottom. clearly, not enough to chew up any solid chunks, i'm trusting what i've read. you've got a killer gag reflex and i'll only give you pieces smaller than your esophagus (so my pediatrician. says!)

you win!

did you hear me?

YOU WIN!

no more pureed baby mush from a jar, or container, or bowl that i've personally smashed up for you.

no more force feed.

ahhhhh.........

so, we are going for a whole new approach.

and he LOVES it!!!!

meal time is a wonderful experience!!!!!

and, this morning?

i diced up some peaches and he also had some puffs for breakfast :)

wanna read more about baby led weaning??!!

by the way, it's rather cute seeing little roman try to put pieces of food into his mouth.

it takes about 5 or 6 tries.

totally adorb.

moo. part of my postpartum series.

warning: if you don't care about nursing and/or it freaks you out, don't read. hehe

as mothers, we strive to provide the ultimate best for our child.

as mothers, we are told in more ways than one, that breastfeeding is best.

as mothers, we endure an obscure amount of guilt, on a regular basis.

with that said, my experience in feeding roman has been wonderful, and stressful at the same time. it's been rewarding, yet complicated. it's been fulfilling, yet full of guilt.

i'd like to share it with you, mostly for my pregnant friends, and those who know nothing about this topic, but someday might use what now seems like useless knowledge.

i remember walking into our breastfeeding class, the one you take along with the childbirth classes a couple months before you're due. i had one goal. it was to figure out how to pump and store milk and how much to tell your babysitter to feed them, and yadda yadda yaaaa. it was all about how it would relate to roman's experience at the sitter. i was freaking out. yes, i would spend 3 months home with him before taking him to the sitter, but that was meaningless to me. i was bound and determined to be completely prepared for my time back at work.

so i asked questions.....

when do i have to start pumping before i go back to work?

how much should i save?

how do i know how much to send for him to drink?

how often do i have to pump at work?

what do i do with it when i'm at work?

what are the rules for handling it?

what is mastitis, and how can i avoid it?

(the underlying noun here is milk, fyi)

i left breastfeeding class feeling slightly more prepared.

i knew what i had to do.

pump like a madwoman and save save save.

so i did.

and it worked.

then i went back to work.

did you know you have to pump at the same time your baby eats to stay on his schedule?

did you know that it takes 15 to sometimes 45 minutes to pump. and that's three times during your work day.

did you know that if you don't pump soon enough it gets very painful and you might not be able to pump (and thankfully my boss let me zip over to roman's babysitter's to nurse a few times)

did you know that when you don't have enough time at work to pump, you will slowly lose your supply?

well, now you do :)

so i went from being a freaking milk cow, to hardly having time to pump at all.

my schedule went something like this (in the beginning).

5:30 am nurse.

6:15 change, clothe, and get roman ready, myself too

7:00 drop romes off and go to work.

(8:00 roman would have a bottle)

maybe by 9:30 i'd have time to first pump

(11/12 roman would have his second bottle)

maybe by 1, or sometimes 2 depending on my schedule and amount of 'crisis' happening at school i'd have to pump for the second time.

(3/4 roman would have his third bottle)

i wouldn't have time to pump again.

4:30 i pick up roman (and need to either nurse or pump, but he has just eaten an hour prior so he's not hungry....)

try to pump, but i'd rather hold and play with him.

nurse him around 6:30/7

night time.

so while that might be way more detailed and most of you could care less, i'm needing to document this stuff somewhere, hehe....

slowly, but surely, i was losing my natural supply.

slowly, but surely, i used up my whole freezer supply.

slowly, but surely, supplements were not working.

march hit, and i got mastitis. ouch. OH MY GOODNESS. i felt like i got hick by a truck.

high fever.....very high.

painful......

nausea.......

horrible.

but i recovered and got right back on :)

the end of april came, and i needed to start supplementing with formula.

roman was throwing up everything i gave him.

we were back in nebraska for a wedding shower, i had nothing to feed him and he was throwing up everything i tried - panic attack.

moments like those are so hard for mothers.

it's an immediate rush of guilt, and worry, and panic, and what-if's.

after many phone conversations with our pediatrician, we finally found a formula he would keep down.

supplementing with formula only increased roman's desire to drink from a bottle because it's easier, and decreased my supply even more.

our trip to colorado came and went, and well of course, it was way to easy to just give him a bottle......

so here we are.

roman is almost 100% bottle fed now (he sounds like a calf)

i can nurse him only in the morning.

even typing that makes me think, oh crap?! am i really going to give up??!

but at the same time, as i type this, it feels like closure.

as i type, i'm declaring what's best for us :)

i'm not looking for any hard feelings or milk wars.

to each their own.

however, breastfeeding has been an amazing experience. a beautiful bond.

it's about to end, and i am so super sad.

but i'm relieved at the same time.

i've been nursing/pumping/taking supplements for 2 months now......and i'm ready to just whip up a bottle and relax while we cuddle :)

i think i'll have a burn the pump party.

i've been pumping for 196 days.

for a total of 794 pumping sessions.

back when i was preggs, and i saw that pumps were about $300, i about pee'd my pants.

now i realize it was worth every penny.

i've literally been hooked up to this thing for 800 sessions????????

no wonder i want to have a BURN THE PUMP! party.........

anyways.

i'm sure that was a lot of useless info for most of you, i'm sorry.

breastfeeding for working moms is just such a complicated and difficult thing to endure.

it's worth it, but i'm ready to relax.

i'm ready to enjoy the freedoms of not having to stop and nurse 5 times a day, but rather use a bottle when we are out and about on all our summer field trips :)

but as i said before, i'm not intending for a milk war.

each woman has the right to choose how she will feed her baby.

a friend once explained to me (hi molly!) that what's best for the mom is what's best for the baby. if the mother is stressed, and struggling with nursing, it's truly not what's best for the baby.

and as mr leif says, a happy momma makes a happy family :)

for me,

for roman,

for our family,

formula is now our decision.

it's what's best.

i said so :)

.....and stay tuned for a future post about why i'm not feeding roman typical 'baby food', well, ahem.......why he's not letting me........and what i'm doing about it :)

ok, thanks for letting me get this out there.

i've been wanting to document it for a while.

you know, so that someday when i'm on kid #4 i can look back and laugh at the refining process i endured as a new first time mommy :)

oh, motherhood.

just a farm,

smack dab in the middle of the city.

that's all.

and it's for kids.

with baby animals to pet.

and feed.

and love on.

and there's playgrounds

and concessions (who doesn't love snacks? me! me!)

and hand washing stations

and it's FREE.

FREE!!!! gotta soak up the free stuff, folks!

and sorry about my nasty ponytail head and frumpy clothes....roman was up all night long because he has such a runny nose - poor kid couldn't breathe and suck on the paci at the same time!

romes and i were invited along with our friends amy and audrey

it was our first time at deanna rose,

and, well, we'll be going back.

lots and lots this summer.

moo. says the milk cow.

yep there's one of those there too.

and it gets milked twice a day for the kids to watch......

and in even more exciting milk news, check back later for my next post......

(which might not happen for a couple days, that's typically how i roll, it all depends on how much longer roman naps!)

he be crawlin.

dude's got places to go.

yo.

a weekend spent in water.

i suppose i had it commin

you know, letting little roman, OUR OFFICIAL CRAWLER, crawl all over the airport....and the airplane....(can you think of anything else more disgusting?)

but the consequence didn't come right away.

matter of fact, when we woke up on friday morning, our first morning home after being gone for a week, rooms and i were jumping for joy.

it's true.

it was our first official day of summer, home, together.

so what the heck, we hit up the pool.

matter of fact, romes was so 'chill' at the pool, that as i walked him home in the stroller, i thought to myself, "well, hmmmm, i might just mow the lawn and let him relax in the stroller, in the shade."

so that's what i did.

i mowed.

he drifted off into sleep by the hum of the mower.

bad mom newsflash #1. i forgot to take off his swim diaper. (i know, SORRY!)

good news? he was fine, no rash, totally fine.

bad mom newsflash #2. turns out i had him sleeping outside, in the heat, while he had a fever.

good news? there isn't any to go with that.

when i picked him up after mowing, he was hot, but i just figured it's because it was a bit warm out......but nope.

he had a fever.

and it lasted for 2 and a half days.

poor little guy.

friday night was spent in here:

it's amazing how well a bath can cool a baby down.

even break their fever.

however, as soon as bath time is over, it shoots right back up :(

romes rocked the nakedbaby look most of the weekend.

he was a trooper though.

we made a quick appearance at mr leif's work picnic on saturday.

although, we spent most of the picnic in the AC of the car :)

the rest of saturday and part of sunday were spent back in the bath tub.

thankgoodness, finally, by sunday morning, the fever was gone.

we were able to go to church AND another picnic. in the 95 degree humidity. yay.

he's on the mend, folks!

and our week ahead is looking good.

days in denver.

we kicked off summer right, a trip to denver :)

thanks mr leif for the new phone, i snapped away.....we had a blast in the CO:

where we played house with cousin charlotte, one sock on and one sock off.....she was pushin you around in her stroller.

where we snuggled with grammy in the mornings.

where we became groupies of the mariachi band at the wedding.

where we practiced our crawling with daddy.

where we had a blast in the water table with charlotte.

where we snuggled with daddy before he left....because we got to stay 3 extra days!

where we put a do-rag on you to protect you from the red hot sun.

where we played with charlottes girly toys.

where we rode in a big kid carseat, and don't tell anyone....it was facing forward!

dude's on a plane

well hello.

while i know that there are thousands of sweet little details i should be producing into various blog posts.......i don't have the energy to do so, at the moment :)

a catch-up post is for another day.

cheers to summer.

we kicked it off right........i rushed out of work a bit early on the last day, to catch a flight off to denver.

day one of summer:

look guys! i'm on a plane.