1,460 days ago i married mr leif.

that's 4 years :)

i remember it like it was yesterday.

i was standing there. NERVOUS as could be.
because, i was all dressed up.
i had been calm during the whole planning process, and even that whole day.
and now was the moment: THE moment, he would see me.
so i started to walk (after sam rushed out some kleenexes for my out of the blue crying attack, thanks sammy)

such an emotional moment, the anticipation and excitement of tapping him on the shoulder, so he could turn and see me in my princess dress :)

mr leif and his momma :)

and my momma too :)

now, the real deal!

so we made the walk, dad and i......

what you don't know, is that we were sweating up a storm.
june 30 in the midwest? hot hot HOTTTTT!

now smoochy your bride mr leif!!!!!!!!!

our first walk. as husband and wife. the journey of our life............

and as the mood lightens, and as liza blows bubbles at my butt...........we know its time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!

champagne??!?!?!

yes, please!

so many memories with family and friends........

it was a beautiful day.

now on to the reception!!!!!!!!

tossin the flowers......

what a day.........

the best day of my life.

i would go back to relive it in an instant.

and not change a thing.

then........

with freshly chopped hair.....(thanks sis!), we were off to jamaica.

we gots ta get fancy yo!!!!!!!!

and be lazy in the hammock :)

and stare at my hubby..........hubba hubaa :)

and drink cocktails.

lots of cocktails.

and even more cocktails at the pool!!!!!!!

making new friends :)

makin more new friends (i think i like to make friends wherever i go)

 we climbed a waterfall :)

and i continued to gaze at my hubby. the whole trip.

i couldn't help it!!!!!!!!!!!

how romantic :)

ohmygoodness...........ohmygoodness...........my heart overflows with love for this man.

and it's more and more every day.

i can't wait to see what i'll feel when i see him with our baby :)

happy anniversary mr. leif
thanks for the most amazing 4 years of my life.
i couldn't ask for anything more than to be your wife.

mr leif's got......

.......energy.
like no other.

as we walked around our yard on sunday afternoon, he had me play secretary while he listed off all of the things he wants to do around the house........

and last night when he got home from work, he was all excited to get goin'........ matter of fact, he completed #7 last night!

i asked him for a picnic table about 8 days ago.......i've had this vision for a real communal space on our deck for when we have guests. something we can sit around and something that of course promotes good conversation :)i figured this would be a cheap solution, and when using some wood he already had, it became a FREE solution. nice on the budget. next up: i get to paint it!!!!!!!!!!! cant wait!

it's done! a new picnic table for our deck. thanks mr leif, its beautiful :)

i told you he had energy......he didn't stop there............

he moved briskly into #1 from the list, a walkway on the side of our house.

i got to design it, he's doin the manual labor ;)

and while he was workin up a sweat......i got my crafty on.

i was reflecting on some of my friendships...and realized i have some pretty amazing friends, another reason why i'm in love with oak hills.........and i needed to thank them for inspiring me..........because every time we talk, everytime i'm with them, i leave with wanting to strive to be a better daughter of God. and they deserved a thank you for that. i couldn't be given a better gift from a friend. (but if we wanna be talkin gifts here.......i suppose a gift card of some crazy amount to anthro would rate pretty hi too)

i've recently been overwhelmed with thoughts.

imagine that.

if i'm intentional about my thoughts, i can turn them into actions.
some of those actions take seconds to complete, some take days, some years, and many will take my entire lifetime.  and most notably, some may never happen......praying THY will be done Lord, means to truly surrender.

lately i've noticed i've become a bit selfconscious about my openness.
i wonder.......do people that read this blog think i'm a lunatic?
do they think i'm weird?
i'm a sharer. i wear my heart of my sleeve.
im honest with myself, how i feel, what i think. it keeps me sane.
i know im meant to be open, to share my mind. it makes me feel emotionally healthy; stable.
so that's what this post is......... a long jumbled journaling mess.

...

as i look back onto myself, my personality, i realized i wasn't always a overly open crazy person.
for many years my relationships were filled with me purely trying to entertain.
i loved making people laugh. i still do.
i loved having fun, doing fun, making fun. i still do

but what i recently realized is that i've really really become a lover of deep conversation, for friendships that are real, for bearing burdens and sharing mine, for being honest with my thoughts and struggles, and showing my weaknesses, for being such the open person i am today......

its as if i've tapped into a part of me that always existed, but just didn't know how to be accessed.
(and poor mr leif, he gets to listen and listen and then he supports almost everything i come up with)

but...this change: im going to chalk it up to God,
cuz that's only the smart and logical thing to do ;)

...

in our plan (mr leif's and i), we would have just now gotten pregnant. then this fall i would have finished my last semester in my masters and graduated this december. then i would have had the babe in the spring, and enjoyed some maternity leave and a summer break. during that break we would have made the decision of me going back to work or not, but all in all enjoying that i was able to spend the first 6 months home with the baby.
but.
it didn't all happen that way :) in God's plan im already pregnant, and i will have the baby in october and go on maternity leave. thus, will have to go back to work in the spring semester, as well as complete my last semester of my masters (an internship that requires me to be on location of a school), and every morning drop my babe off at someone else's house. hoping they hug and kiss him like i would every day. which might totally happen.........just gotta find the lucky lady to be my 'mom' sub :)
phew.

so with all that, my mind is going crazy with thoughts and questions.....
what will we do?
should i just not go back to work in january?
no. i should at least finish my masters, duh. i've worked too hard.
is it lame that i spent all this time, energy, and money on a degree and then might not use it?
no because someday i will probably go back and use it, but just maybe not in this season of life.
oh
season of life.

i like that phrase.

...

its all in God's hands.
i know he has a plan.
but
at what point can i stop trying to figure it out for myself?
at what point will i get my prayers answered, regardless if its the answer i want or not?
at what point will i know what i'm doing is right for me, for our family?
hmph.....
i suppose patience is vital.

24 weeks.

here are some thoughts on pregnancy,

• my internal clock wakes me up between 4:45 - 5:00 every morning. now don't get me wrong, this would have been great when i was working out last fall before work and tried to get to the gym by 5am........now? when i dont have to teach summer school til 8? not so cool. i get super deeduper sleepy around 10ish, and im usually in the middle of a reading group - trying to teach jumal, fresh from ethiopa, how to read and comprehend a text in english. 


• continuing to fight my internal battle with accepting my growing/changing body...slowly but surely i'll come around (probably just in time for fall when i can finally wear jeans again because its not 98 degrees outside) but really.........this week is better than last week, and that's progress :)


• totally loving the energy that comes with the 23rd/24th week. i can mow the lawn (something i thoroughly enjoy. for real), clean the house, and even cook a mean tuna caserole (dont know how to spell that word) that mr leif liked, it was edible!!!......all in one afternoon!!!! booooooyah.

i was sweating pretty heavy, while...

...waiting for mr leif to get home tonight.

yeah yeah, our air is on, and works very well.
i was outside, silly.

you see, i was putting away groceries in my kitchen, and had the last item (body wash) in hand, when i turned around to a CREATURE crawling across the kitchen floor, and up under the dishwasher.

this creature was a mouse. and my preggo body doesn't move half this fast even at jazzercise. i did about 7 leaps on my tiptoes/sprinted out the door to the garage.
shoeless. with body wash in hand.

then, i realized i was stuck. in jeans. in 91 degree weather.
phoneless.
mr leif wasn't supposed to be home for another hour.

so, there i sat on my front sidewalk, jeans roled up, sweating, with a terrified look on my face.
and our neighbor kept peeking at me from his window. creeper.
jk. he probably thought something was wrong.
why would i be sitting on our sidewalk with body wash in my hand?

oh great. now i have to pee.
go figure, just moments before i saw the mouse i chugged a bottle of water, because i realized i hadn't had any liquids all day and the babe probaby thinks he's travelin through the sahara or somethin.

k, im sweaty, a bit calmed down, doing the pee dance.
so i move to the garage. ah haaah. its a bit cooler in here. no sun.
and perfect. i found a place to perch.
i thanked the babe briefly, because his future bed is my perching point.
in our garage is a giant box with the crib and changing table/dresser inside.

i needed to get comfy, so, hoping any drivers-by or neighbors didn't think i was going into early labor/having weird 'i wanna nap in my garage on a box' moments............i decided to brave it, and i hopped up on the box and sprawled out.

about 20 minutes later. mr leif pulls up.
and i burst into tears, poor guy, didn't know what was wrong

'we have a mouse in our house' i slobberingly said.

i guess the mouse gets in from under our dishwasher.
there is some tiny holes for pipes he squeezes through.

i announced about 56 times that we are moving and our house is yucky.
and mr leif says any house can get mice
so i said that our house isn't even gross its pretty clean, so why ours??????
and mr leif said its not that our house is dirty, they can just find a way in.

im much more calm now.
and mr leif is much more buff now.
because,
he carried me from place to place all around our house.
i wasn't gonna dare let that critter crawl over my toes.

in fact, ive calmed down enough, that i think im actually going to get up off the couch and walk, on my OWN two feet, into the other room to give him a hug.

he is a good protector.

***good news.
mr leif, pulled out the dishwasher, stove, and fridge from the wall.
he scrubbed all the areas.
then said, "i seeled any holes and cracks so tight, not even an ant can get in"

yay!
i am safe.

last week...

...i went home.
to nebraska.

it was great.
simple, slow, easy, and completely stress free.....
although i missed mr leif like crazy, i was glad to be there and not here all alone :)

i met up with my dear sweet friends for a quick dinner on my way through lincoln tuesday night.

ahhhhhhhhhh, i loved being at home in saronville..........
i was lazy
slept in
ate ice cream with homemade hot fudge
and caught some beautiful sunsets :)

like really amazing sunsets.

i saw cammy play a little baseball........
and colton too :)
oh, being home was great.

..........i even did some dreaming of how my life would be different if we lived there.

here is my pretend life i created:

• i would stay at home with the kids, and not work
• i would lead an exercise/fitness class 3 times a week
• i would facilitate a moms parenting group once a week
• i would coordinate play dates and field trips for friends and their kids
• i would learn to cook (im horrible)
• i would learn to sew
• i would host a weekly bible study where everyother week we would do a study, and the off weeks we would just talk and eat good food.
• i would live in a house that mr leif built. (he's quite obsessed with building his own house these days.)
• i would host girls night at my house twice a month. it would involve wine

oh i love to dream.............

someday i'll do all of those things, right?!

and i suppose i could do them right here in KC
cuz mr leif doesn't plan on movin back anytime soon
and i'll support his decision to stay
lookout KC.........i've got big plans :)

k,
im off to the store for some apples.
im dyin for an apple crisp. and corn on the cob too!!

happy birthday to my little brother! love you!!!

and to heidi, my amazing friend...........a jazz instructor/cake maker/blonde bomshell/college roommate/a dreamer/a hugger/a laugher/a wine drinker/ a beautiful and respectful wife/ a sharer of your lifeguard whistle on the first day i met you..........oh, my lovely stomp and shakin' it friend. i love you:)

an interview with...

...mr leif.

a tribute to his first father's day :)

sorry for the crappy celly pic.

this was right when i picked him up from the airport LATE last night. after a week in the mission field and no shaving, i was still so very attracted to my mr.

his giant smile swooned me like no other :)

now for the interview...................

me = purple
mr leif = green
~~~side note...for those of you who dont know mr leif. he's not a big talker, so this interview was a big step for him and his relationship with my blog.
big things are happenin people, real big things.
if you can imagine.......i typically do lots of the talking :)

do you know that i refer to you as mr. leif? yes
do you think it sounds weird? no
do you like being called mr. leif? sure

do you read my blog? no i don't
why not? you've never asked me to

what do you like to watch on tv?
right now, college baseball......the world series

do you wish i was a better cook?
of course, but i love you just the way you are

are you excited for how i am going to decorate the nursery?
only if i only have to paint it once
what are you refering to?
you sometimes make me paint rooms more than once
well that happens in most homes, people change the colors, whats the big deal?
two days later they do?
oh yes, sorry, you did paint a room 2 different times within 2 days. for me. love you!

what names do you wish i liked, when you think about naming our babe?
henry, jack
any that you think we could settle on together?
leroy.....hahaha, no not leroy, this is private linds, we aren't gonna share
ok i guess we aren't sharing now

will you be a guest blogger next week and tell my readers about your mission trip?
no.
sure...

what is one thing you dream of doing some day?
building my own house

what did you like most about your first father's day?
the breakfast in bed

do you think i should keep growing my hair out?
yeah (said like, yeah...of course!!)

HAPPY FATHERS DAY MR LEIF
i heart you big BIG time.

i can't help but keep reading...

...Cole's Post over and over again.

i know i linked to it before, but i really really am obsessed with it at the moment...

so, i'm posting it below. with COMPLETE props to her, she's a beautiful writer.

cole writes.......
"So right now I’m studying Daniel. It’s about a young guy who was taken captive away from his home and brought to Babylon. Now when I think of someone being taken captive I think of someone dressed in rags, and treated as a slave. But this wasn’t the case. Let me paint a picture of Babylon-think rich, seducing, overindulgent, and incredibly self-centered. Daniel was brought here and because he was young, intelligent and handsome he was offered more than just a taste of its intoxicating world.

Picture yourself in your teenage years being taken from all you’ve known and thrown into a very foreign and luxurious life living in a palace, feasting off the king’s table and being “enlightened” by all the best scholars and sages. Imagine having every temptation, every possible manner to indoctrinate your beliefs thrown at you. Could you stand firm against such an enticing culture? I asked myself this question and I’m not sure I would have at 15 or 16. But Daniel did. He resolved not to defile himself and then practiced that resolve every day. He was consistent in his integrity. This is such a deep story and I am learning so much from it. I could talk about this for hours but I will keep it as short as I can for attention span sake.

I can’t help but see parallels between the Babylonian mentality and our culture today. Babylon philosophy- younger is better, appearance is everything, you have to be intelligent, social status matters, 'I am and there is none besides me.' Sound familiar to you? The first night I started this study I ran into the store to pick something up and I noticed coffee mugs for sell by the register that read I LOVE ME (lindsdey inserts: 'GAG' to the coffee mug.....seriously people).

A light clicked on inside of me. And ever since that night I’m noticing the similarities everywhere. I really want to be like Daniel. I want to be able to resist the charms. I don’t want to be so absorbed that no one knows I belong to Jesus. The past few weeks have not been easy. It’s hard to let go of something that feels so good. It’s an everyday challenge to resolve in your heart not to compromise and be deliberate in your actions to make sure you know which influence will win out." -cole

lately, my weight gain and body image are really starting to bother me. i didn't realize i would be affected so much by 'getting bigger' during pregnancy.

i know i know, you all think 'but pregnancy is beautiful, your supposed to grow, its for the babe, etc...'
but,

i wouldn't be honest with myself, with you, if i didn't admit to this struggle. to think i'm only 23 weeks, and to know that i will get bigger is hard for me to comprehend. i'm not talking about my belly. i think that's cute. but my butt, chest, and thighs are hard for me to accept right now....but i'm trying, that counts right?!?!!
so,
cole's post about daniel is refreshing for me.
why am i so caught up in my body image?
why am i comparing myself to my cute/nonpregnant friends?
why am i letting the issue of weight gain bother me?
i wish i wouldn't
but i do

so, like cole wrote:
"I don’t want to be so absorbed that no one knows I belong to Jesus."
and to tack this onto my 30 day challenge....

i want to radiate to those around me that i belong to Jesus.
that i am happy, joyful, thankful, and OK with my body image.
i will stop responding to, "your such a cute pregnant person" with..........
"yeah, thanks, but i feel huge and have gained a lot of weight, and i don't like my butt and thighs...."
instead.

i will say thank you. and smile.

i've got my color palette set....

.....for the nursery.

phew.

that has been a longtime battle in my mind.

i don't want to go with a specific theme, i just want a color palette so when i am out browsing at tj maxx, marshalls, garage sales, and thrift shops, i know what sort of thing i'm goin for.

i stumbled upon this cute photo online for the idea of the poms....

i like the colors, and the tutorial (click on the photo to see for yourself)

but...

when i came across kirsten at pomlove, via etsy......

i thought.

ok, i'll support her

and try making my own poms on another day....

so.

i ordered a mixture of the colors below to create little leif's very own 5-peice set.

can't wait til they come!!!!!

so, remember that....

....scooter stroller i was talking about!?!?!

well.

they don't stop there.........

ok. and to tell you the truth.

these crazy stroller contraptions are starting to grow on me.

i sort/kinda/teency/weency want one.

a bike one. not a scooter one.

oh perfect!

since mr. leif wants 6 kids and all.....i could use this for the first two.