yo linds, where did you get....

the clothes in your maternity photos???

• the yellow sweater - $5 from walmart. yep.
• grey tank - $3 from 'about 9 months' - a KC second-hand maternity store.
• purple sweater - a gift.......from destination maternity. thanks momma2 :)
• jeans - $15 from 'about 9 months' - a KC second-hand maternity store.
• shoes - $10 on clearance at herbergers (a small little department store in little ol' hastings, ne). thanks mom :)
• necklace - $40, well, technically $0. BECAUSE...... i kept the tag on the necklace, and took it back to target the next day. AHHHHHHH!!!!! am i so naughty or what?!?!?!?

please, no one tell target.

and for those that know me best, does it really suprise you that i wore something with the tags still on it!?!?? (you never know when you might decide not to keep something)
or
(when your husband says......"yeah, you should probably return that - not in our budget") hehe

• oh yeah, and the mustard chair - (yes, its from our living room) $15 from a garage sale. boooooyah. and ps.....krista (my photographer friend) and i named it gertrude.

ok. now go get ur bargains people, they're out there.
you just hafta search :)

now, whose belly is this?

its mine :) and my beautiful friend krista very FABULOUSLY captured my growing family :)

and she is amazing. and she is SO talented.

and she loves jesus.
so of course, how can i NOT love her!

and if you wanna see the rest, you can click HERE:)

as i sat in my...

...new office at school yesterday...... (yes i got a bigger room, yay!)........

.........staring at my zuchini bread,
.........smirking at the fact that i still have my May calendar page on my desk,
.........i realized,
i am not ready.where is my "oh its a fresh new year!" attitude?

why do i look around at the empty walls and feel overwhelmed at covering them with colorful, cheerful fabric? (something i used to LOVE doing at the beginning of the year)

why am i annoyed at people stopping in my room, touching my belly, telling me the cliched phrase, "oh you look cute!" and then jumping right into the nitty gritty questions they really came in for.........."do you get a long term sub for when you're gone?"................"when are you starting your leave?".................. and other random questions that clearly have an ulterior motive, other than being polite.

where is the excitement that used to fill me to the brim, practically overflowing, with setting up/getting organized/planning out the school year?

why can all i think about is having this baby (eeeeeeeeeek!!!) and i get annoyed at the idea of how much energy this job sucks out of me?

why do i dread having to reconnect with all the teachers and staff members at school?

the truth is........i'm a different person than i used to be. the beginning of THIS year is different for me than the last 3 years.

i'm realizing i have different priorities in life, different goals, a different purpose. not that my prior priorities (haha that sounded funny) were bad........i'm just changing.

as of about 10 months ago, even before i got pregnant, i began to notice a change in my thoughts/dreams/passions. at this time last year, i was completely and entirely a career-oriented person. i loved the purpose and fufillment i got from my job. and yes, although i've done some major job-hopping in the last 6 years (college job #1 bank teller, college job #2 file clerk at law firm, real job #1 2nd grade teacher, real job #2 school counselor) with each of those jobs came an excitement and a joy for trying to master what i could learn and dream of what i could do someday......

well, about 10 months ago, things started shifting in my perspective. i really started connecting with our church family on a deeper level. as my relationships with other women at church grew, we began having passionate conversations about their roles in their families as mothers, and some even as homeschoolers. As these friendships began to blossom throughout this year, i've developed a new found passion.........and i've begun to transform.

clearly i have nothing against working mothers. i will probably be one of them for a while (as mr leif and i are convinced that the government lied to us when we were so easily swayed into taking out quite the hefty school loans, said with a smile and a laugh), and thus we might need my income to tackle that school debt. but really, im developing quite the new perspectice for MY purpose in life. its not for all women and not for all mothers, but for ME, i'm starting to see that God is revealing a different path then the one i was on. one that is not consumed with career or growth on the payscale or impressing my coworkers or going above and beyond to 'look good' for my boss.

rather, my path leading me to my home. with my (future) children.

a dear friend of mine is preparing to lead a "mother's bible study" this fall. they're reading the mission of motherhood. both this friend and my sissy have said/warned me on how the author, is quite passionate about the purpose of stay-at-home-moms. i've decided i want to read it anyway, knowing i can't yet be the stay at home mom i wanna be! and as i prepare to read this book, i can't help but think about how i used to feel, and how so many other women i know are still passionate about work and how THAT is OK! but when my excitement for work is dwindling at a most rapid rate........i know i've been called for an ulterior purpose.

a short excerpt from a review on sally clarkson's book has got me dying to get my hands on a copy: .................“Motherhood can be one of the greatest, noblest, or fullest callings a woman can have. Every day, as mothers nurture their children, they influence eternal destiny as no one else can…Today’s culture minimizes the vital importance of a mother’s role. By catching a vision of God’s original design and allowing it to shape their lives, mothers can rediscover the joy and fulfillment built into the strategic role to which God has called them; for a purpose far greater than they can imagine…Using practical examples, personal anecdotes, a challenging vision, and sound scriptural support, Sally Clarkson upholds the traditional biblical view of God’s plan for motherhood; giving mothers exactly the support they need to persevere in cultivating and sharing their hearts for God, for their children, and for their homes.”

but. i face quite the dilemma.

i'm still employed. i still work out of the home. i'm still committed to being a school counselor for 400 children. i will only be home for 2.5 months with my baby. SOOO......i NEED some passion. i NEED some energy. i NEED some excitement to continue on. i may be feeling called to stay home with our children...........but for now, that isn't where God has me. and im struggling with finding purpose in the present.

one of the biggest areas of worry......as i begin this school year.......is my attitude and affect i will have on the staff. i want to be positive, excited, passionate. that's who i've been for them over the past 3 years, i must not let that change. bad attitudes rub off on other co-workers......i want to be a source of light for them. not the darkness. and i can't help but break into song........"this little light of mine, im gonna let it shine......." and ".....don't let satan BLOW it out, im gonna let it shine" and as i come to the satan part (ew, i don't even like typing that name) i realize, that will be my battle this year. the battle that will require the full amour of God.........i can't let my light blow out. im still a witness. im still shining for Him. regardless of where He has me for now.

can i dig deep and find the motivation?

can i find enough energy to give to work, yet reserve some for home?

can i not feel guilt when i show up just right at 8:00 in the morning because i didn't want to drop babyleif off any earlier than i had to, and when i rush off at 4:00 to get the him?

oh........i suppose i'll end here.........it will be on a good note :) because thinking about 'dropping off and picking up the baby' reminded me of some crazy RAD HAPPY news i have to share with you. i'll share it tomorrow.

but just know that prayers have been ANSWERED. and in a most blessed way :)

BYOBb idea from 2:27........

...........a.m.

that's in the morning.
and BYOBb doesnt mean, 'bring your own beer, baby.'

i couldn't sleep last night. at all. for 2 reasons.

1 - im pregnant:
because every 29 seconds i shifted to a new, uncomfortable position
because babyleif was moving so much it was almost on the verge of frustrating, but not

and

2- scary ant visions:
because this past week we've been seeing an ant or two in our kitchen as we pass through.
just a teeny tiny one or two. nothing too major or scary.
BUT because i dont believe bugs should be in houses, or at least my house
and because ive been kitchen-clorox-spraying my counters and walls and everything in our kitchen and its still not helping....
......mr leif got some ant traps/poison/killer (wow, such evil words) from home depot yesterday and totally got all 'mr leif vs. ants'.
and so instead of sleeping, i kept having visions of a whole army of ants marching into our kitchen. devouring our bait like thanksgiving dinner, and then NOT dying or taking the poison back to their colony. but rather, hanging out in our kitchen ALL. NIGHT. LONG.........inviting more ants to their party..........and so yeah, my visions were gross/scary/ant-filled.

and so i couldnt sleep.

and then the bad thing happened. my mind began to wonder.
i dont know if its me being pregnant and half crazy
or
if its me being extra self conscious lately
but
regardless, i am wishing my mind would just calm down a bit.
and i am very critical of myself and how i think and process things......
i wish my ideas and dreams would slow up......
and i wish i would keep them to myself. but i dont.
and you should know that by now :)

so.
a quick preface, before i delve into BYOB.

..........in attaining my masters of school counseling degree, i've taken some parenting courses.
these classes aren't intended for me to attend 'as a parent trying to learn how to parent'
but rather, as a future facilitator of parenting groups (id rather call them mammas clubs)..........and of course to help the parents that think/want/desire me, the school counselor, to magically 'heal' their child during their course of elementary school. and please note, the sarcasm in that last sentence is purely due to the fact that TODAY is my LAST day of summer and i have to go up to school to prepare for tomorrow my FIRST day back to work. hehe :) but no really, its not all that bad, im craving a schedule.
so anyways
back to my degree.......
i L.O.V.E.D. learning about how to facilitate parenting groups.

i remember the first day of parenting class, i thought......."pshhhhhhhhhh, i won't run a parenting group until i've had a few kids that are at least in middle school, otherwise people won't believe what im saying, because i won't have any experience..........."

but i was quickly swayed from such thinking.
and felt empowered.
and of course, in true lindsey fashion..........i starting dreaming
and imagining
my first parenting group.

well.
last night, i really, like really starting wanting to make this happen.

and.........
i thought that once i would get this group up and running (preferably next fall) i would create a seperate blog/page for it........so of course it would need a title.
and at 2:whatever in the morning, a title instantly popped in my mind:
BYOBb
Bring Your Own BabyBaggage

now that its normal awake hours, 7:24 to be exact, im sort of trying to process the whole BYOB thing, but ya know..........i kinda like it! im sure i'll change it to something a bit more refined, but for now, its a bit catchy and a tad on the naughty/suspicious/moms might want to say "sorry, cant come to the pool today, i have BYOB at lindsey's" side.........eeeeeeeeeek!

let me set the stage.
picture this below, my living room, filled with moms.
and of course they would be holding a notebook, pen, cup of coffee........and idealy munching on coffee cake.
because at the core of a successful parenting group (mommas club) is the idea that mothers would come, bearing real struggles, sharing their hardships/concerns/questions..........and then in return receive advice from other moms going through the same thing, and i would offer insight as a third party, as to what/how/why the child is reacting........

i want the mommas to come, say and hear things like:
"omg. little benny is totally having tantrums in the middle of target too! so i.... "
and
"here's whats worked for me..."
and
"seriously? me too......... just yesterday i locked myself in the bathroom and put both the shower and sink on full blast, to eliminate the sound of screaming.......am im going crazy???"
and
"next time, you could try..."

and then i'll jump in and offer some sort of........
"wow, you're feeling defeated, your child is using this too...."

so.
you get the idea.
right?
i have a year to get this up and running.
(and most likely the idea will fizzle out)
but i hope not.

and as i was grabbing a pic for this post, i realized, i haven't shown mr leif's handywork from last spring (that is our new built in, corner entertainment center) shown on the left side of this photo below!
nicely done, ey?

k. thats all for now.

thanks for letting me document this idea.

and please, someone hold me to it!

so i had a...

...baby shower ;)

and here's a quick photo story, to show y'all the beautiful time we had...

WE

took pictures. duh!

with the radiant hosts-carrie and sam (myself) the cake master-heidi, and the organizer/headmaster/host/best sissy ever-liza

WE

posed again. because we love eachother. me and heidi do.

WE

posed as a fam.

sissy lesley, momma (the future grammy of babyleif!!!!), me, sissy liza, and little charlotte

eeeeeeeeeek love them all.

WE

had some good laughs.

sweet aunt marcie showin off her hawaian grass skirt.

totally festive. and completely proper for our theme. like it.

WE

captured precious moments with great grammy and baby boo........

totally proud of my grandma rath, she came sportin' her own hawaian shirt, and an authentic necklace.......go granny go.

WE

discovered that charlotte likes adults, better than babies.

babies steal the attention from her.

and even though hudsypoo is cuter than cute, and so sweet........

she wadn't havin' it.

WE

posed for pics with the future great grammys:

my grandma rath, and mr leif's grandma annie

WE

played games, talked, gathered, ate, and enjoyed :)

mr leif's aunties and his mom (momma2 - the future grammy abbi!!!)

WE

did the gift thing. (LOVE them all, eeeeeeeeek!) and i had a sweet gift assistant.

WE

discovered that charlotte will pose all cheezylike

anytime you put the camera close to her face.

love

WE

i mean

I

tried out my public speaking

I

clearly wasn't hesitant to embrace the pole for support while speaking.....

....i totally should have ended my thankyou speech with a quick pole dance.

it would have been sweet.

and totally appropriate.

WE

had a wardrobe change.

because thats what you do with cute squishy little girls.

you change their clothes a lot

because they look fab in anything.

WE

had a bestie reunion, me and lauren did, and amanda too........but

amanda, where are you for this picture, boo!

WE

well i dont really know what we are doing here.

but i like it.

i'm hikin up the dress

liza's in action about to do her hosty-host thang

aunty joan and momma2 are in deep discussion

and nessy is totin' around hudsy.

i like.

and.......

WE

ate.

really good food.
yum.

thank you sissy(s)

thank you sammy and care

thank you heidi

thank you momma and momma2

thank you thank you thank everyone.

it was delightful.

i suppose i'm in mourning...

...because im sitting on my couch,

devouring a piece of this cake: hold up.

reverse.

breakabreaka wuuuuuutttttttttt?????????

yeah, i know, its a pretty sweet cake.

and i'll get to that in a different post.

but the fact is, im eating it. for comfort.

now why am i in mourning?

when i woke up this morning, i looked over at my nightstand and saw this:

its from charlotte.

and its on my nightstand because YESTERDAY morning,

she was in bed with me. playing. and cuddling. and wrestling.

and nawing on that bunny's ears.

and now she's gone. boo.

then i wondered into the living room and saw this:more of her stuff.

and then in the kitchen.........her left over juice.

and then in their bedroom, this:and im not pickin any of it up.

i'm still pretending they are here.

ugh. boo. hoo. ahhhhhhh.

i suppose our time apart makes our time together-better..........

and i suppose its just a season and someday we'll live close...........

but for now, im poutting.

and i might go get another piece of cake.

dear babe,

a couple nights ago your dadda put your new bed together.

your grammy-a helped me pick it out :) thanks grammy-a!

and i was quite proud of your dad. he made it look so easy :)

and you might have woken up during this process.

because i accidently ran into the corner of the crib

(sometimes it sticks out further than i realize), and jabbed my belly.

but, i was on a mission.......

a mission to make us some rootbeer floats!

cuz you'll learn quick in our family........

we work hard, but we snack harder :)

can't wait to share some bedtime snacks with you.....

...of which will often times consist of sliced apples at your bedside,

cuz thats what my momma did for me when i was wittle.

she's your other grammy. grammy-L we'll call her

speakin of grammy A and L........we'll have to come up with some better/cute/fun names for them.

start brainstormin, will you? maybe come up with a list in between your karate kicks, that should work.

sure...

...after i've already bought my maternity clothes

...now that i really don't need any more and can probably push through with what ive got for the next months

...now that i've spent my budget
then they laungh this.


oh mannnnnnnnnnnnn............its killing me.
i've been dying to find trendy stuff. and can't.
and now. oh pooooo. its a bit too late.

i guess thats a good thing........i may have went overboard.

ok, moving on. hopefully they'll still have this line when im doin babe #2.

throw your hands in the aiyer....

like you's a..........

CUTE CUTE CUTie

so. in my (pregnancy state??) crazy mind i forgot to add these to my previous post.

and i couldn't just not post them.

i mean, just look at him :)

and him!
and him again.

and back to him.

...i could squeeze these boys

...squeeze out of pure adoration and love, of course.

bbq'in at the leif's...

...was a good time last night!

alyson, eleanor and joel.......posin for a pic

it was our turn to host our small group from church

and yes it was the hottest day of summer

and yes we still had a BLAST.

our church has truly become our family away from family

this is court, jack, and hannah.

the hamiltons (court and tom) are like mr leif and i's substitute big brother and big sister

(until liza moves here, hehe)

and our small group is just one of the MANY reasons why we love oak hills.

leah's chompin on melon with anthony, the other littlle hamilton boy :)

and cutie cute della is in the background with her momma abby

cheers to fun. food. fellowship. and puffed cheetos. YUM

bbqs are the best because everyone brings yummy food that you wouldn't typically have in your pantry

like puffed cheetos.

but now i kinda wanna go buy some.

yummmm they were so good.

something HE shares with us... and then some other random stuff

...psalm 25:4-5, 20-21

show me your ways o lord
teach me your paths
lead me in your truth and teach me
for you are the god of my salvation
on you i wait all the day

keep my soul and deliver me
let me not be ashamed
for i put my trust in you
let integrity and uprightness preserve me
for i wait for you

..........im struggling in the 'wait for you' 'teach me' 'lead me' areas right now
..........all too often, i'm snappin the reigns on my own life
..........just wish it was a clear cut vision when he 'shows us his ways', and 'teaches us his path'
..........im working on waiting, allowing him to mold me, and being willing to be led.

life is a challenge, ey?
:) :)

and now for the random stuff part.......
this post is GREAT on color coordination. thought i'd share :)
and
why am i so tired?
i had all this energy for about 2 weeks. and then BAM its gone and i could literally sleep all day.

the truth..........ready?

• last night i couldn't sleep........tossed and turned from about 2:14am, (after i went to the bathroom) until 4:30ish.
• then i finally fell asleep HARD and didn't wake up until 7:30ish.
• and then i just stayed in bed, read, surfed the web until almost 10:00.
• next, i had some cereal, had 3 phone conversations, and then mowed the lawn (HOLY HOTNESS ITS OVER 100 today.........wrong day to mow)
• after hosing myself off outside, i came in and had left over tacos for lunch and talked to my sister on the phone
• then......i went back to sleep until 2:36.
• seriously. i don't know whats wrong!!! and now im like a zombie, still SLEEPY.
• but........i need to get my booty in gear. we are hosting a church bbq tonight and are expecting about 20 people, AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! im staring at the deck thinking......what should i do first????
• ps. why is this bbq landing on the hottest day of summer? yikes!
• yawn.

dear babe,

good morning to you :)
is your heart-rate up? because you've been blastin away all morning, kick, punch, headbutt, karate chop.....you name it, im feelin it.

did you know your dad's pretty great?
and strangely knowledgeable about pregnant stuff...........

but most recently i've caught on to his all-knowledgeable self.
you see.............i discovered he gets about 3-5 emails sent to him per week from a 'what to expect when expecting' website. so the cats outta the bag.

i had been quite confused - because he's said things like "good thing we don't have any trips planned, most airlines wont let you fly without a dr letter in the 3rd trimester" and "lets shine a light on your belly, the baby will probably kick at it because he can see now"...........and i wondered how he new about all this crazy, seem-to-be true information. now i know :)

although most moms would be the one to receive these emails and share them with the dads, its quite the opposite with us. but its a good opposite, because i think it really makes your dad feel like he's helping us prepare for you, and he's right :) it empowers him to share this new information with me, the mom, the one who might stereotypically know all this kind of stuff.
he is so excited to meet you. and, you should be really proud of him. cuz i am :)

and ps. your room is lookin great :)
and that's thanks to your dad too.

see you in about 90 days :)
love your momma

today i'm gonna...

...take our cable box back to the cable company.

but for real. we are canceling our cable.
and. just so you know, i did NOT come up this idea on my own.
mr leif wants to do this just as much as me.
he's the one who unhooked it all and has it ready for me to deliver :)

you see.......our cable was not working for about 2 weeks back in june.
and we had THE BEST EVENINGS ever.

we read the bible more

we talked more

we ate dinner not being glued to the tube

we went on walks

we didn't wonder where the night went as we pushed 'power' at 11:00ish

so. in our crazy "new budget/save to get lindsey to stay home with our kids/save so mr leif can someday build us a house .........we are takin steps :)

i'm so excited to see what life without cable, will bring :)

(good thing redbox is REAL close) (we night need a few nights to vege with a movie)

good by cable bill !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yes. for now, we ARE keeping our internet :) cuz, ya know, he'll have to check scores and watch espn clips........and i'll have to blog, and i'll need to keep stalking this girl (who's having a giveaway RIGHT now!!!), and her too, and obviously her (if only she would post more), and cjane and nie too.

goin on at our hizzie....

a few things.

we had visitors.
we like to call them our regulars.
they come crash at our place. a lot
and we love it.
and we have crazy good times.
...eating at firecookin/throwfoodatyou restaurants
...grillin. real low key like.
...tryin to start fires in our pit/but failing/but still trying.
...watchin our boys play tennis. all sweaty like.
...goin to get 'free facials'
...and bommin it up at schlitters......floatin and slidin in the sun.

and guess what else is goin on at our hizzie.
mr leif is paintin the babe's room.
yay. eeeeek. tripple quadruple sweetness.
and i have bad heartburn or indigestion
......(but no upset stomach/diareah)
duh. like the peptol bismal commercial.
but yeah it hurts.
so i ate ice cream.
and
well...

it helped.
YES. yes yes YESSSS.
love LOVE that ice cream is now justified as a remedy.
booyah to yah.

and in other big news......
im in my 26th week.
and standing in the future babe's room :)
and underneath......
bam!!!!
babyleif is really pokin out

so so so, at 26 weeks:

• hearburn/ouchiness - ice cream remedy, yay.
• boobs have stopped growing it seems, staying a consistant BIG, ughhh.
• getting up at 5. always. but now loving a midday nap (ahhhh the joys of my july of no work)
• feeling babyleif kick/do cannon balls/play karate/shake his booty
• seeing him do all those things and thinking it looks a bit weird when my belly has sudden random bulging movements
• mr leif can feel him/see him move. he likes that.
• ummmm lets see, what else......
• oh yeah, im NOT weighing myself. at all :) yep, its been about 3 weeks of no scale. and its almost like moses came down from the mountain and burnt up my idol and scattered the ashes of my scale into the river behind my house, just like he did to the israelites with their golden calf. so yeah. that whole issue is going GREAT. free.

ight y'all.

im out.

i've been taking some things...

...for granted.

so.
a few nights ago i took a really. long. hot. shower.
and just stood there letting the water beat down on my back.
(dad i know you have a thing for nozzles, so u'd appreciate this)
HAHAHAHHAHHAH totally an inside joke from our family vaca to CO.

and as i stood there. i thought...........
"wow, i have less then 100 days to enjoy my showers, kid-free"

because, that is one thing i've heard from so many moms.........you don't have a lot of time to take showers.

so.
while standing in the shower........i made a mental list of some of the things i
think
i'm taking for granted at the moment,
i really want to appreciate them for the next, 98 days or so :)

my list of things im adoring right now. pre-babe.

• long showers.
• random naps.
• spending an hour(s) in hobby lobby just knicknackin around, browsing isle by isle.
• craft time.
• not very much laundry. at all.
• unplanned trips to run errands. multiple times a day.
• snuggling with mr leif. every evening. just us.
• a clean house (i've had a lot of time on my hands.......spick n span).
• spending hours working in our yard or on our house with mr leif. uninterrupted.
• having plenty of time to get ready. do hair. put multiple outfits on until i decide on the right combo. and do makeup. ya know........girl stuff

ok. that's all. for now.
and really, dont mistake me..........im FREAKING OUT excited for the babe to come.
but.........i'm enjoying the calm before the storm. (the really really good storm)

dontcha like to....

......get rid of stuff?
i do.

me and clutter are not bff's.

the show about the hoarders on tv, freaks me out.

guess what's cool about my street??
the pool is about 5 houses down.
a park is literally acrosst the street.

which means........
lots of people passing by
lots of people like to take stuff.
lots of stuff is what i'm puttin' on my driveway.
stuff stuff stuff.

and

BAM!
POOF!
its gone.

i LOVE IT

i figure, if they're takin it, they need it more than me :)
i mean, i have already had a garage sale.
and it was great......
but this is easy. cheesy. catsmakemewheezy.

i be pitchin left and right.........
and i be lovin every minute of it.

think its 'nesting'??? hmmm. could be.

and really......... i do need to clear some room for the babe.

we are now a FAMILY OF 3 instead of just 2. whoa.

and i can't wait to dress him like these little romeo's..........

whoops. i forgot what store i saw these from. so i can't link the picture. ugh. sorry.

i am really really...

....REALLY looking forward to life with kids.

i'm always daydreaming of the FUN we will have!

whether i'm only home with them in the summers........

or whether my dream of 'home all the time' will come true.........

regardless.

we'll have a BLAST :)

we'll hang artwork up to show daddy!

and i'll help them put on neighborhood performances in our backyard.

and have arts and crafts days when its rainy outside.

and this organizational system makes me so happy inside.

and go thrifting, allowing them to pick out their own lawn chair and their own paint color.

making our yard quite the colorful attraction, SO full of life :)

i

can't

wait!